I don't know why I still sometimes have dreams about you after 8 years but I'm not mad about it. The one I had last night was so psychotically mundane and real that I have to talk into the void about it. Once every few years I have a dream where you somehow text me again and we just...catch up. My brain is somehow still able to recreate you down to the smallest conversational nuance. I guess I used to know you pretty well, but I can't claim to now because my God...you're almost 28 now. I always thought I'd still be there for your birthday. You may or may not remember me telling you about my silly dreams, they definitely give Salvidor Dali a run for his money. They're nonsensical, but when I dream about you it's indistinguishable from reality. And last night man...I ran into you at a restaurant. I was shocked, you were shocked. We talked about life and it was still you. You said the things you would say, the way you would say them. You told me about what you'd been doing, mostly made up my brain, but plausible none the less. I told you how much I've missed seeing your face. I do be making sure your name is staying out of the news, to see if you're okay and if you acheived your dreams after school. Shit bitch, I'm so proud of you. You don't appear in my dreams looking the way I last knew you, my brain even kept that updated. And I got to say, what the fuck. The audacity of you to keep getting prettier and prettier. Just can't stop winning huh? All I have to go off is your LinkedIn, that's more than enough to know you're alright. The next headline I expect to see is Bollywood bombshell makes first million Don't let me down. Anyways, I told you about my life and we remembered some of our jokes. We laughed then we rode in the car and passed by a lake and I watched the waves as I listened to you tell me about everything I've missed. I asked you why you fell off with talking to me all those years ago and you said you got scared and just got over the whole situation, and just really didn't care that much in the end. I said that makes total sense and I apologized for being too much, not reeling it in. I told you that I know what I did, I know how I acted. I never blamed you, but boy did I mourn. In the end I'm the one who said I can't do this anymore. I told you about how I felt and how I still feel. What I've been up to, how I've been doing so well. I caught you up on it all. We laughed about the news and went on rants about memes and politics. I told you about how well I've been doing since I got therapy and that for the first time I'm okay. We came to such a real, adult type of closure. Then my alarm woke me up. I swear shit like that makes me wonder about looney shit like astral projection haha. I'm really not being serious, but I don't mind the possibilty that sometimes ours spirits could reach out across time. You now I don't believe an ounce of that shit, but when I woke up I thought you were still with me. I felt something click today as I've been trying to commit the dream to memory. It's the only time I'll be able to "interact" with you, so of course I would try and save it. When we lose someone who's still alive, that feeling is so complex. You're gone, but you're still here as a twinkle of a spark. A beautiful reminder and I'm so glad to have met you. Nothing about this hurts anymore, now I just feel peace. And I've never felt anything but fondess when I reminisce about our friendship. I never found anything like that again and I think that's a good thing. Who would want for there to be two golden jubilee diamonds? Stay special bubu. You're cherished even on your worst days, and I hope you know that there is no equal to you. Don't stop killing it, you cut throat capricorn bitch.<3