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4:29am Feb 5 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 3,809
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[[Nope. c:]] I didn't answer for a long moment. Didn't want to look at her, in case she could see what I was thinking in my eyes.
There had been a time, once, when I'd had a mother, someone who cared about me, but that someone had gone now. It hurt to think about her, sometimes.
''It doesn't matter where she is. She's gone.''
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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12:26pm Feb 5 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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I frowned at Sanctus's response. Which was becoming a habit lately. Maybe because he was one of those 'Debbie Downer' types. "Where is she?" I pressed, not even realizing that I could be hurting him anymore by talking about it. I couldn't help it if my curiosity gets the better of me with this guy. He was so hidden and introverted, I couldn't keep a normal conversation with him without me having to dig.
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3:23pm Feb 5 2012
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I shrugged, not wanting to go into a detailed explanation. It would be a lot of work and effort for something I really didn't enjoy speaking about.
''In a cemetery down the road from Barker's Lane. Like I said, it doesn't matter. She's gone.''
I didn't want to look her in the eyes still, so turned my gaze to the window, my face blank. I'd spoken about her- unwillingly- enough times before to know how to block out the emotions that came, so that was exactly what I did.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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4:25pm Feb 5 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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I bl[injection]inked once. Then twice. The third time, the awkwardness was palpable. "...Oh." I whispered, leaning my forearms on my knees and looking at him with a skeptical look. "I didn't realize." I added, noting how he avoided my eyes. Well, no duh. I don't know how I'd react if my mother left me. Our family was that... Rare family. With the mother - daughter good relationship. Father - daughter humorous type relationship. Family dog. Family dinners... We didn't have much problems in that area. Other then moving around too much. "I'm sorry."
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4:34pm Feb 5 2012
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I sighed and looked back at her, sensing she was feeling rather awkward. I didn't blame her, really. I hadn't given her much warning.
She seemed a little surprised, and I wondered if it was really that shocking. After all, plenty of kids grew up without one or the other parent, right? It wasn't that strange.
Sure, most of them still had at least one parent that they had a solid relationship with, but it didn't really make a difference.
When she apologised, though, I hadn't really been expecting it. Why was she apologising at all?
''What for? It's hardly your fault. It's no one's fault.''
I shrugged, not really knowing what else to say.
What was I supposed to say to get rid of all this awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings? I hadn't really had much experience in social situations, and even if the feelings themselves didn't bother me, the fact that it would bother her did.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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4:43pm Feb 5 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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"Sanctus..." I said, wishing he didn't have so many walls built up. I reached over and grabbed his hand. "I'm not sorry because I think it's my fault. I'm sorry that you're mother passed away before you were grown. I'm sorry that it affects you the way it does. Sorry that I had to bring it up and see that sad ex[injection]pression that tears my heart out." I said, my fingers tightening around his. Well. Let's see where those walls end up now.
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5:16pm Feb 5 2012
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It was my turn to look at her a little dumbstruck, bl[injection]inking for a moment.
I didn't pull my hand from her's, and I don't know why I didn't. It wasn't often that I liked physical contact in the slightest.
''What do you mean affects me? It doesn't make a difference.'' I said, my jaw tightening up.
''I... I'm sorry I made you sad, then. I'll try not to show anything next time.'' I spoke softly, wondering if I was detereorating in my ability to hide my emotions, if she was able to see that I was 'sad', as she called it. I wasn't sad. I just wasn't happy.
As it was, I was very rarely happy.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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5:32pm Feb 5 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[Sorry I poofed. ]]
I tried my best not to roll my eyes at his first comment. Didn't affect him? Didn't make a difference? Oh please. He may think he could lie to me. But he couldn't do it well enough for me to believe him. "Sanctus, it doesn't hurt to be vulnerable with at least one person." It was the truth. Sanctus needed someone that he could 'be himself' with, parse. Like, right now. He needed to be sad. I would be more alarmed if he was looking at me with a smile about his mothers death.
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7:11pm Feb 5 2012
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[[Don't worry. I do it a lot too. /like just there/]] ''Maybe. I don't know. I wouldn't know. I don't need to be, I haven't needed to be, so I guess I won't need to be.''
I shrugged, not pulling my hand away still. Despite all my words, it still felt good to have her there.
I didn't want to admit to her how strange it was to have any one take even the slightest interest in me at all, let alone try to get me to open up like this.
It was... An interesting experience. Not one I'd ever want to repeat again, but still an interesting experience.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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7:53pm Feb 5 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[ rn''Maybe. I don't know. I wouldn't know. I don't need to be, I haven't needed to be, so I guess I won't need to be.'' ... ILYM <3 ]]
I frowned, slipping my hand away from his and staring back at him as if I didn't know how to respond. So I was choosing to stay silent. Why did he have to be so difficult? So... Stubborn? Maybe it was why I liked being around him. He was a challenge. He was like me. "You're unbelievable." I finally said though with a smile forming on my lips.
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12:07pm Feb 6 2012
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[[What does the M stand for? o 3o But, thankles anywho. <3]] I chuckled, unsure of quite what she meant by 'unbelievable'.
Whatever way I saw it, it seemed like a good thing to me, so I grinned despite myself.
''Really? That's good to know.''
It seemed she was smiling now too, so that was good. She could be really irritating at times, with all her worrying, but overall she was good to be around, nice to talk to.
Maybe this is what it's like to have a friend, I found myself thinking.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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3:48pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[I love you, mate. HOWCOULDYOUNOTKNOW? D| you completely ruined it. ]]
I don't think he realized that I was meaning that he was unbelievably stubborn. Unbelievably hard headed. Unbelievably irritant. But, hey, why ruin that smile on his face? "I still think you should find someone that you can let it out too. "
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3:55pm Feb 6 2012
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[[OH. I GETIT NOW.
I ruin things a lot. Get used to it.]] I shrugged, wondering how any one person could be as stubborn as she was. She never seemed to give up on anything.
''I've already said I don't need to. Why would I?''
I shrugged again, getting bored of the topic all together. I'd already explained that I was fine, yet she still pushed it.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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4:04pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[Trust me, I know. -_- But you're still my mate. ILOVEHOWTHEYBOTHTHINKTHEOTHERISSTUBBORN. ]]
"Fine."
I said with a cross of my arms, as I itched with irritation. Boy, he annoyed me.
[[fail. ]]
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4:08pm Feb 6 2012
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[[Well, they would obviously think the other is stubborn. They're like a pair of mules. |D
OMG I'M YER MATE. [Cheese reaction right there.]]] I sighed again, wondering why it meant so much to her. Maybe I could meet her halfway.
''Fine then. Define what you mean by 'let it out to'.''
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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4:13pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[I haven't been called CHeese in such a long time. ;-; ]]
I smiled, glad that he was going to keep this going. If that worked, then I'd get him to open up to me in no time. "Sanctus, you have feelings too. And if you bottle up those feelings, and not 'let it out'... It could be harmful. That's why people get depressed. Commit suicide. Do nothing with their life."
Wow, did I sound like a counselor.
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4:18pm Feb 6 2012
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[[LOL. You mah CHocolate CHeesey, silly. ;D]] I was silent after that, and looked at her with a slightly confused, blank ex[injection]pression.
''So... You think I'm suicidal and depressed?'' Well, this was very... Interesting. Definitely among my more interesting conversations.
''I know I have feelings. I don't 'bottle them up'. I just don't express them. There's a difference. Bottling up, as you call it, is purposeful. I haven't the foggiest how to say how I feel, so it's different.''
My logic could, I suppose, be challenged and was rather debatable. Oh well.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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4:22pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[ ;-; You make me feel all warm and fuzzy. ]]
I suppressed a roll of my eyes. Now he was purposely trying to argue with me. I tried to keep my patience level as high as it could be as I said, "I don't think you are suicidal and depressed, Sanctus. I think you'll end up that way if you keep... Not expressing yourself." I said, trying to put it in his words so he would understand it better. Ugh, he was such a... A man.
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4:29pm Feb 6 2012
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[[Like you just ate a hamster? 8D]] I shook my head, not understanding what she could possibly want from me. Here was me trying to be nice and 'express myself' for her, and I ended up with confusion in return.
''Fine then. If you really think that, you should tell me how I'm s'posed to express myself.''
The confusion as to what I was meant to do was clearly evident in my features, but I chose to pretend that it wasn't obvious I was completely lost.
Well now. I should... Probably put something intelligent here. At some point. Eventually.
...
... Screw it. HYE. ♥
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4:33pm Feb 6 2012
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Normal User
Posts: 7,283
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[[YOUREMEMBER<3 ]]
I frowned when seeing that cute lost ex[injection]pression. Wait. Cute? "I'm sorry." I said with a laugh, leaning against the railing on his bed so I was more comfortable on the stool. "I can get pretty controlling sometimes."
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