Without trust what is love?


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Aokorinomun

2:46pm Mar 22 2011

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Posts: 849

Ooc: well im writing a story and want to see if i should continue or not ,tell me what you think. Its deals with  vampires werecats and werewolves. A romance and action pack story. Oh and please try to correct me kindly if i made any mistakes,arigato :)

 

Left and forgotten

You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.---David harkins

 

 

The inky black sky covered the forest like a large blanket. The moon seemed almost nonexistent behind the dark grey clouds that the heavy rain dropped from. Lightning flashed and under a sakura tree where the petals of cherry blossoms were glowing in the moonlight, a young boy sat on his knees infront of a woman in a pool of her own blood.

His spiky silver hair waved slightly in the breeze and was a little drenched from the rain. Tears were streaming down the 4 year olds cheeks contrasting with the rain. His wilver ear withs blue tribals were falt against his head and his long wolf like tell was wrapped around his midsection.His azure blue eyes were looking at the woman who was in a blood covered silver and blue kimono.

Her eyes were closed and she took a shaky breath causing her body to tremble. The wound in her chest was deep and appeared fatal. Her black waist length hair was sprawled out all around her. The boy held out a small shaky hand to her cheek and then pulled it back quickly in fear. It dropped into the blood infront of him that was starting to wither away from the down pour of rain.

He whimpered liked a little frightened puppy and made a small sob. "I couldnt protect you, I couldnt protect you mommy, i'm sorry." came his gentle voice. The woman opened her silver eyes that were slowly loosing life. She turned her head with some struggle trying to look at her trembling son. "K-kuraitsuki, n-no, there was nothing you could of done, do not blame yourself." She said with some strain.

His eyes widened a little in suprise as he looked at her "Mommy, get up, please!" he sobbed out. She gave a weak smile "My moon, I-I cannot." she said softly. "Promise me... hat you will be strong...for the both of us, ok?" she asked with a slight cough. He gave a choked sob "I promise." he said weakly. "T-thank you, Kurai, n-now I can...die in peace" She sighed out. He gave her an anxious look "No! you cant leave us, please dont go mommy. I dont wanna be without you, I dont wanna be alone mommy, please!" he yelled between sobs. "I-I love you my ... moon" she said in a strained whisper and closed her eyes. A light shone from her body and she slowly disintergrated. "Mommy, dont go" he whimpered out. The light disappered and only a small pool of blood was left of his mother.

"No! Mommy come back, come back! Mommy!" he sobbed and his tears fell into her blood. a young girl appeared with a sad look and pulled him upo gently "Shes gones" she said softly. He didnt need to be there , he shouldnt of saw her die. "Let me go! let me go! MOMMY!" he screamed in pure agony. It felt like a knife was driven through his heart and those once lively blue eyes dies with the woman he loved to his soul.

Aokorinomun

12:30pm Mar 27 2011

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Posts: 849
(Bump)
Aokorinomun

5:27pm Mar 29 2011

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Posts: 849
(Bump)
GoBooks

8:45pm Mar 31 2011

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Posts: 42

I enjoyed, quite a bit. Your sentence structure and adjective usage was spot on. Even though stuff like this has been done before you managed to make it interesting(a feat in itself considering I don't usually like these kinds of writing). So in conclusion, good job, and keep at it.

P.S. If you would comment on my story (it's a few threads up) I would really appreciate it, and don't just say it is good because I gave you a good rating. 




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Aokorinomun

8:51am Apr 1 2011

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Posts: 849
((Thankyou so much for the review and i would be happy to read your story and i do agree with your username :) ))
GoBooks

10:52am Apr 1 2011

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Posts: 42
Not a problem at all, and my story is actually a few threads down not up. The link is http://www.rescreatu.com/forum/cat/arts/writing/opening-to-a-random-story-please-comment/~page/1/. Also don't read my opening post unless you want to I added a lonnger and more revised piece of it below.



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Aokorinomun

1:05pm Apr 1 2011

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Posts: 849
((Sorry the page is stretched and i cant read it really well))
Meelanya

7:56pm Apr 1 2011

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Posts: 2,194

I absolutely love your style.
Do you enter any contests? If so, please take a look at my thread, which is about writing an epic story for my Kioka's pet page!

I would love it if you entered! <3




Aokorinomun

8:41pm Apr 1 2011

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Posts: 849
Thanks for the review and i would love to enter it, does it have to be a certain way?
Aokorinomun

1:16pm Apr 3 2011

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Posts: 849
((I will be updating the story tommorow afternoon. I would love more reviews! and thanks again to those who have already))
Aokorinomun

7:23pm Apr 4 2011 (last edited on 7:47pm Apr 4 2011)

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Posts: 849

The Memory of the lost

I must make a choice
A tough decision
Listen to my voice
Should I give in to temptation, admiration?

One leads to myself
The other someone else
Just an empty shell
Just an empty shell

“Shes gon, isnt she?” came a childs voice. Kuraitsuki stood in his room looking at his bloody hands. The blood of his mother. The blood he could of sparedfrom falling onto him, from being washed away by the rain. “Its because of me, I couldn’t save her.”He said trembling. “I…I” he choked out a sob. He fell to his knees with his hands now in fists in his lap. “I couldn’t protect her, I couldn’t protect protect mommy, and now shes gone”He sobbed.  “I dd it, I killed her”He said with a soft sob. “Mommy…your gone…because of me, im sorry mommy, im sorry” He whimpered. It's harder than it seems

When you're told that
All your hopes and dreams
Are yours to hold if
You just give them what's expected

Something they can sell
Put upon a shelf
But I am not for sale
I am not for sale
 

His eyes turned blue as he continued to sob. “S-shes dead” He clutched his hands to his side and a white light glowed aroungd him. “Because of me” He whimpered again and the light turned bright red and glew brighter. Tears streamed down his face and the light that was his arura started going around him in a spiral circle. He clenched moved his clenched fists to his lap”Im not a kishi(Knight)”the spiral moved faster.

I hear a voice inside
It's grown into a scream
I'm not the next of them
I am the first of me
 

“Im not her knight.”He said and the spiral got brighter and started making things around him shutter and creak. “I couldn’t save her.” He spoke and his windows broke. His hair was moving wildly and he clenched his eyes shut. “Its my fault.”He spoke and a lamp crashed against the wall, the shards joining the wind and stabbing the walls that they hit. “Its my fault” He whmpered a little higher and the door flew off the hinges, crashing into the ceiling. “Its my fault”He yelled out and the spiral grew turning into a orb of red and black aura. Hies eyes shonered and he made an ear peircing scream. Then everything stoppe and the orb turned into a ghostly white.

'Cause I can't live the lie
I am just what you see
I'm not the next of them
I am the first of me
 
 TBC

 Song:First of me-Hoobastank.

Meelanya

7:34pm Apr 4 2011

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Posts: 2,194
Nope. The major details are on the thread. Other than that, you do as you wish! <3



Aokorinomun

7:48pm Apr 4 2011

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Posts: 849
((Alright then il give it a shot.))
Meelanya

10:44am Apr 5 2011

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Posts: 2,194
Awesome, thanks! <3



GoBooks

5:48pm Apr 7 2011

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Posts: 42
One word: AWESOME. Very well done.



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Aokorinomun

5:52pm Apr 7 2011

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Posts: 849
Thank you soo much :)
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