Little Hopes [Critique?]


Go to page: 1 Bookmark Thread
Reeses

4:40pm Mar 5 2011 (last edited on 7:50pm Mar 5 2011)

Normal User


Posts: 6,216
Little Hopes
I am
A child with hopes.
I am a daughter
Who hopes to have one of her own.
I am a daydreamer
Living on thoughts and revelations.
Pas.sing life with hands outstretched,
Bearing the hopes of many years young.

Once upon a time
I wished to be beautiful
Run for miles, and never tire.
Be the best of them all
And never be greedy.
To continue to understand
Keeping a firm grip on reality
And fantasy.

To love and be loved
Allow trust to flourish and bloom,
Never to die.
To remain ignorant but aware
Retain innocence, bliss.
Lend a hand in world peace
Make a difference even if
I'm just one in a statistic.
Be the rebel who didn't
Fall.

Sing a song without getting scared
Hitting the right notes.
Telling him the truth
While still keeping what we have.
Living to be one hundred
And being there to see my grandchildren
Play around my feet.
Overcome my fears and
Go bungee jumping.

Sit at a window
Veiled by sunlight and perfect glas.s
Next to a man who'll treat me right.
Pick up the pen and tell a tale
Of laughing friends and special moments
That will tell something more.
Buy a dress that isn't purposely baggy
And accept I am who I am.
Whip out the dusty dance shoes
With the time-fogged moves
And twirl like there's no tomorrow.

Prove to them that I won't forget
Learn to stay away from those who poison.
Bike to Texas,
Swim with dolphins
Kiss beneath the guarding moon.

I am a dreamer
A girl who hopes.
I am a wandering child
Who will make sure that she will
Never, ever
Let go
Of hope.




Wat.
ಠ_ಠ
Yasha

11:00pm Mar 6 2011

Normal User


Posts: 2,842
I love it <3



Reeses

6:45am Mar 8 2011

Normal User


Posts: 6,216
Thank you. ^^




Wat.
ಠ_ಠ
NightmareDream

1:05pm Mar 9 2011

Normal User


Posts: 1,551
I think it's great. ^^ Some parts I thought were a little unclear. Then again, that might have been what you were going for. Just be careful though that when you write something and are driving a point that the reader will be able to understand. Read it as though you never wrote it, I guess. I mean, that's all I have to say, and I think it's a matter of opinion. :D



Reeses

6:39am Mar 11 2011

Normal User


Posts: 6,216
I tried to make it very vague at some points I guess I overdid it, lol.  Thank you. :D




Wat.
ಠ_ಠ
NightmareDream

10:24am Mar 11 2011

Normal User


Posts: 1,551
You're welcome. ^_^ 



Go to page: 1