Gray Requiem (Poem, please give feedback)


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Requiem

10:00am Apr 5 2010

Normal User


Posts: 1,372
Okay, so it's written to be a song, but...yes. 
Here it is:
 
 
|| Gray. Requiem || 



What are we? But keys on the piano, 
Pushed down, unable to say no.
Composing the songs we're told to play, 
Weathered white backs, crippled and gray. 

Our destiny's laid out, like a requiem tune, 
They close the casket, our melodic tomb.
Mould dripping on our catacomb,
We all blend into Gray...

Everything's always so black and white, 
Written in Ivory, for what left is there to fight? 
We show Them our throats, submit, bow, 
They press us, can't resist, we'll utter a death-growl
Our usefulness served, as if this is what we deserve. 
We lie there in rows, 
Taking their blows.
Shrouded in their darkness, Blinded by Their light.
Stripped of all our color, 
Naught left but Black and White...no hope in sight...

Our destiny's laid out, like a requiem tune, 
They close the casket, our melodic tomb.
Mould dripping on our catacomb,
We all blend into Gray, 
Slumping to the Hand of the Godly Distortion (tion sounding line 'shone')
Sculpted from anemic Clay. 

But no, we will not fall for you, 
We can die fine by ourselves. 
So listen as we prick the strings
To the harps of our personal Hells. 

Until that day, though, 
We sleep in this ashen snow, 
Listening to the harsh wind blow, 
Of a better world we'll never know. 
At a broken moon we will crow, 
Of a better world we'll never know...


~Fin



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NightmareDream

10:37am Apr 6 2010

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Posts: 1,551
Good poem. I liked it. I don't think it has an exact rhyme scheme (or that's how it sounded to me). I really like the word use. The only thing I didn't get is the whole meaning of the poem x3 But maybe I'm not supposed to know xD



Honeybee

6:01pm Apr 13 2010

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Posts: 1,191
You've inspired me to write. :D



my name's russ and i only care about uldavi and cute men
Requiem

2:59pm Apr 16 2010

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Posts: 1,372
Teehee~ Thank you <33



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Requiem

9:40pm Apr 28 2010

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Posts: 1,372
Bump~



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NightmareDream

9:37am Apr 30 2010

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Posts: 1,551
Come on people. Read the poem. It's awesome. :3



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