Fly Away~


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WolfieBelle

5:52pm Feb 27 2011 (last edited on 7:01pm Mar 8 2011)

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This is my random story that I started working on at my dad's house because I got bored and he was sleeping. I hope you like it!

Fly Away~

~Chapter One:

     "So, Airika," said the middle-aged woman, "do you have any siblings?"
     "Yes, a step sister. Her name is Lia," I said, resisting the urge to throw a tantrum over how she called my my real name.
     "How old are you, Airika?"
     "I'm fifteen. Just call me Air, okay?"
     She nodded and said, "If you don't mind me asking, is white your natural hair color?"
     I sighed and said, "Yes."
     "Alright," she said, "that's the end of our interview."
     I got up without a word and left. I hated interviews with a pa.ssion.
     Lia was waiting outside of the interview room. She got up from her seat and said, "Did it go well?"
     "It went okay," I said, walking to her.
     "Let me show you around," she said. "I still remember these halls." Lia grabbed my hand and began to tow me around the school. Wait- I need to fill you in on some things. Here's what you need to know:
     My name is Airika, but people call me Air because I might blow up if you call me my real name. I'm fifteen. I have white hair- I get teased alot because of that. I have bright blue eyes, and I'm short. Now for my life story. My dad left when he found out that my mom was pregnant with me. A few years after I was born, my mom met Chris. He was sweet, handsome, and perfect for her. Chris had a little girl named Lia. Lia is two years older than me. She looks absolutely nothing like me. Lia has jet black hair and eyes that look like the night sky. Lia is also very tall.
     A few months after Mom met Chris, they got married. The two of them were as happy as they could be. That is, until Chris recently disappeared. When he didn't come home one night, mom was torn. She a.ssumed that he was dead, but Lia and I remained optimistic.
     About a month after Chris disappeared, Mom still wasn't coping well. So, mom's sister, my aunt, invited us to stay with her for a while with her while Mom went to live with my grandparents. So, Lia and I took up my aunt's offer.
     Aunt Lizzie lives near where Chris used to live, so she enrolled us at Lia's old school. Lia was extremely excited about this. She would get to see her old friends. I, on the other hand, wasn't happy about going to school at all.
     Before I knew it, someone had grabbed Lia's freen hand. It was a guy. He was about 5'8", only a few inches taller than Lia. He had shaggy dark brown hair and dark hazel eyes. I have to admit, he was pretty cute, but he had that dark, dangerous air about him.
     "Lia! Long time no see," he said, a smile painted across his face. There was something very wrong about him. I brushed it off as my natural instinct of avoiding people.
     "Jake!" my sister squealed, trapping him in her huge hug and letting go of my hand.
     Jake didn't return the hug, but he let her hug him. "Who's this?" Jake asked, gesturing towards me.
     Lia smiled and said, "Jake, this is air, my step sister." Jake held out his hand, and I extended my hand towards his. He took my hand and put it at his mouth, kissing my knuckles softly. I blushed. Lia's bottom jaw almost hit the floor. What a weirdo.
     I resisted the urge to slap him. Before I knew it, Lia slapped him for me. "What the heck do you think you're doing?!" Lia said, her face clearly angry. My hand dropped to my side. I just stood there, confused an unable to speak. "That's my friggin' sister!" Jake didn't move either. Nor did he speak.
     Did I ever mention that Lia is really protective over me? Once, when we were grade schoolers, a boy kept bullying me. I'm a bit more tolerant than Lia. Finally, Lia got fed up with the boy before I did, so she knocked him out.
     Lia hooked her arm through mine and pulled me into a different hallway. The walls were lined with large lockers. I looked at Lia. Her face was still red with anger.
     "Air, she said, trying to calm herself down, "I'm so sorry about that. Jake's usually not so... weird."
     "It's okay, Lia," I said. "It's not your fault."
     Lia shook her head and said, "It's almost time for first hour." She pulled a piece of paper out of her back pocket and put it in my hand. "Here's your schedule," she said. She pulled me into a hug and said, "Be careful." Lia walked off, leaving me in a hallway crowded with people.
     What did she mean by, "Be careful"? I shook my head and began looking for the algebra cla.ssroom.

~End Chapter One~

 

I will write more on this if people comment.




Love is all we need~

WolfieBelle

5:06pm Feb 28 2011

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Posts: 6,409
Up.^



Love is all we need~

WolfieBelle

6:43pm Mar 2 2011

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Posts: 6,409
Any comments?



Love is all we need~

WolfieBelle

7:02pm Mar 8 2011

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Posts: 6,409
Up.



Love is all we need~

NightmareDream

1:17pm Mar 9 2011

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Posts: 1,551

It's interesting so far. I wanna read more. ^^ You have a lot of telling in the beginning. I think it would be good to weed some of that stuff out. The wonderful thing about a story is you can hint at background and appearence little by little. No need to rush (which is what I felt like what you were doing). Then again, it could be the first draft, and I totally understand if that's the case. xD 

She nodded and said, "If you don't mind me asking, is white your natural hair color?"

I thought of that as an information dump. I don't think you needed to have the lady ask Air that q. We could find out she had white hair all on our own. Like somebody says something like, "Hair like that isn't natural." And you have Air think I knew they were referring to my white hair... Okay. I know that stunk, but you get the idea. ^_^ 

I wouldn't go into too many details about her family. Like I said, hint at it later on. And make sure it's not all "somebody asks me so I'm just going to tell him all in one go". You might even be able to pull off a flashback. Just don't go into it at the beginning.

Another thing to really wonder about is at what point you actually want to start the story. Starting with a really strong first line is what grabs a lot of people. Maybe start out after the interview. You can have Air think of how she hated the lady for calling her by her full name, etc. 

I still think this is good and interesting, despite everything I said. xD Just trying to be helpful.  




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