Please do read and critique. Mind you, it is rough and rushed and confusing in this one part (especially near the end) but bear with me. It's just my brainstorming, basically. Yeah, there's bound to be typos, less detail, and repeated words and stuff, and it goes a little too fast... -omigosh I'm gonna have to edit O.O-

I'm okay with harsh critiques but no flaming it, okay? ;3

Faerie Tale

There was a split second where she remembered what the land used to look like. It had been much prettier then, with large, mysterious trees and sparkling lakes and soft gra-ss… Ah, but soon she snapped back into reality. Now everything was darker, much darker. Now a good portion of the land was barren and cold. It even seemed less colourful… There were no birds. The only sound was the whistling and howling of the wind. Some added edit stuff O.o: Why had it changed? Because of them.

The sun was setting, spreading its dying rays upon the once happy land. Her red cloak looked as though it were woven with fire in the light. ((Will probably edit more O.o))

She stood in the middle of a vast, flat field. She held a sword, and a wolf stood, growling, by her side. Behind her back was nothing but gra-ss. In front of her was quite a large group of wicked, writhing, dark contorted humanoid shapes made of shadow. All of the shadow’s right arms were more like swords. They ended in a point and though made of shadow were sharp. They advanced on her, but she did not move. Wherever they stepped the gra-ss and flowers seemed to droop and the sun’s dying rays seemed to reach the ground less there…

“For Minae,” she whispered. She charged, her tattered red cloak flapping in the wind. She fought, twirling around, her sword a weapon of destruction. Yet she fought so gracefully that one might have thought she was dancing. There were fifty of them and one of her, she knew. Little Red Riding Hood might be no more after tonight. Yet she was not afraid. If I kill just one Nightmare tonight, my death will have meant everything.

Adrenaline rushed through her veins. She laughed, the sound carrying everywhere in this now wretched place, hanging in the air before disappearing. She laughed in the face of death. Strange, how she felt so alive tonight, so exhilarated. She fought deeper into the crowd of Nightmares, her wolf fighting loyally with her. Finally, she felt her arms grow tired and saw that now she was surrounded completely by her enemies. With her final burst of energy, she lifted her sword up high and brought it down upon one of the bigger Nightmares. The thing slowly faded into the quickly leaving day. The sun was but a pink line in the horizon now. The stars were just coming out. She looked to the beautiful sky. Ah, how she would miss it.

The Nightmares sensed weakness. She knew it was futile to fight now, though she continued. Sweat rolled down her face in the effort to keep fighting. Her lips were curved upward into a happy smile… She was suddenly struck down by one of them and fell to the ground. Dust got into her mouth. She spat the dust out and coughed up blood. .. She tried to get up but couldn’t. The Nightmares weren’t attacking her. Her wolf was guarding her, not letting them touch her. She lifted her hand and touched the soft fur of her loyal pet. Her final request.

“Live. Save yourself,” she said, her voice a whisper. The Wolf understood. It ran far away, leaving its master behind.

When the moon hung high in the sky, only a girl in a tattered red cloak lay alone in the field.

Fweee <3 I love faerie tales.

As you've mentioned before, a lot of things are somewhat iffy especially pacing. It's rather hard to actually review when you are aware of all the wrong bits xD I can try but y'know, if you're actually aware of stoof then might as well correct them before you post and ask for critiques since we're all bound to just point out things you already know

'mysterious trees and sparkling lakes and soft gra-ss…'

While I congratulate you on actually doing a deion (hahaha, been here too long on Res it seems) it fails to generate a lot of mood or at least...it just stops just as it is beginning to for me xD You did better in the second half where you made it more desolate and stuff but if this half isn't as good you can't y'know make the people feel 'wow such a pretty wor-oh wait, no. It's actually pretty scary. Omg why is it scary?' sort of feel which I think you're aiming for? Just adding an adjectives won't do. Make people smell, feel, hear. Get your audience involved in the story like that.

'They ended in a point and though made of shadow were sharp'

This is confusing o3o rephrase? Actually, never mind I get it but you still ought to rephrase.

'Yet she fought so gracefully that one might have thought she was dancing.'

I get what you're doing but it feels out of place. Like you could actually say 'she fought with such grace it was almost like dancing until reminded of the sword in her hand and the blood on her face'. Blah, don't use that because it stinks but you get it right? You have to not make it stick out so much.

And yes, your pace and whatnot |D you have to revise it again and add more. Especially for such a dramatic scene, it can't be so fast or it'll lose its gravity.

Again like  tell everyone else, I'm weird. My taste in stories are a bit strange and so usually my reaction is rather different from everyone else xD So what I see doesn't necessarily apply to everyone else.

Hahaha, yeah... I tend to critique my own writing pretty harshly... xDD And I like people to be forewarned of what they're about to read. ;3 Thanks for the suggestions... I'll definately add more detail. Feeling and smells... Yeah I need to get that in, now that you mention it O.O -omigosh why didn't I see that before-

At the beginning I thought it was okay because I was trying to be kind of vague and stuff. But... Now that you mention it.. Urg. More editing. x3

As for 'they ended in a point... etc' I actually sort of randomly added it in because I needed the Nightmares to actually be kind of.... Meh, whatever xD I just kind of need to get everything straight in my head. You know the feeling, right? :/

I knows... It kind of gets rushed... O.o I actually get my wonderful sister (Perfectedflaw) to sometimes edit over things and add detail I skipped... She hasn't done that to this story yet x3 I always seem to have trouble adding more detail. Ugghh. Perfectedflaw helps me a lot in that area.

'Yet she fought so gracefully... etc' I know what I want to capture there but I can't find a phrase or words good enough to fit the mood and describe it. ARG! -throws computer against wall- D; I wouldn't want to say, however, that she was reminded of the blood stains and whatnot. That's not what I want to get across. -rawr- I'll have to mull over that one. e.e

Thanks for all the wonderful help... I really like it when people are honest and critique. <3

Omg I wish I had a sister like yours ;A; I have to do all my own editing.

Being vague is alright but you have to give enough detail so that the effect comes across. The fact that you don't mentioned how the world had come to be like that is vague enough I reckon. The problem with reviewing bits of stories for me is that I can't view it as a whole xD

Don't use anything I write. I'm going through a block and I never have a totally clear idea on what the author wants xD But it was an example on how you have to blend the elements, maybe remove the dancing bit and just add the grace bit? So she fights with grace and deadly skill or something o3o I don't like actually suggesting a sentence because maybe you'd like to do this on your own xD

You're welcome <3 I like it when people look for critiques.

Well, part of chapter 1. Dx And yes, it is rough and rushed, etc. Forgive me. ;3 But I have to write my thoughts down however messy. And I can’t leave you guys on a cliff hanger forever. xD

A teenage boy in a dusty black cloak traveled along the dirt road. Before it had been a busy road. Now it was hardly ever traveled upon. The boy’s hair was black, thick, and unkempt. His eyes were a sharp, yellow colour. Yet his eyes seemed far away.

Finally the dirt road led to a building. It was a large building made of logs, giving it a welcoming feel. In the road right in front of the building was a sign that read “Grimm’s End”. The boy’s eyes snapped back to reality then. He gasped and staggered a bit. He then regained his balance and hurried into the building.The wooden door opened with a creaking sound; the hinges were rusty and hadn’t been attended to in a while. The boy was welcomed with a burst of warmth as he entered the homey place. The building was one large room made into a bar, it seemed, and in the left corner there were stairs that led to the upper part of the building. The floors were wooden. To the far right there was a roaring fire in the fireplace. There were tables and chairs all around. Everything was empty. On the wall facing him there was a counter. Standing behind the counter was a beautiful young girl.

The girl had deep, violet coloured eyes. Her skin was fair, her figure curvy… Her hair was the thing that was different. It was long, straight, and silky. It fell all the way to her hips. And it was red, redder than the petals of a rose, as red as fresh blood… When the girl caught sight of the boy she motioned to the stools at the counter so he could sit down.

“Welcome to Grimm’s End, inn and bar…” she trailed off as the strange boy sat down wordlessly at a stool. “Do you want anything?” she offered. The boy was silent for a moment.

“Water.”

His voice was husky, yet the voice of a boy no older than thirteen. The girl nodded and got a gl*censored* of iced water. The boy took it and drank deeply. He didn’t stop drinking until the gl*censored* was dry.

“You know,” the girl said, “we don’t get many people nowadays.” The boy merely stared at her. She sighed.

“Okay. I’ll get to the point. Why are you here, and who are you?” she asked. Her once kind, maid-like tone was replaced with a harsher voice. The boy was silent for a moment, then spoke.

“Wolf,” the boy answered softly… [I’m going to leave you on another cliff hanger for now…]

[continuation. Still rough, rushed, etc. I will edit everything sooner or later. D; ]

The girl smiled.

“Nice to meet you, then. My name’s Rose Red,” she said, then turned around and got to work cleaning things and putting things away. Wolf stared at beautiful Rose Red with his sharp yellow eyes. He was feeling a terrible pain in his chest that hurt worse than white hot knives. It was complete and utter grief. Nothing but sadness... 

 “Give me a shot of whatever you have, so long as its strong.” The door had just burst open. A girl had barged in; she had hair with far more luster and beauty than Rose Red for sure. Her hair was perfect and golden. It fell down to her shoulders in waves. Her short cotton blue dress fell to her mid thigh; it fit her pronounced curves wondrously. A black belt which held a gun on it hung on her hips loosely. A red ribbon was tied around her fair and slender neck. Rose Red looked up from her work. When she saw who it was that had so suddenly walked in the door she chuckled.

“Nice to see you here so soon, Goldilocks,” she said happily as she placed a small gl*censored* full of a strong drink. “How many did you get?” Goldilocks drank the liquid that was in the glas-s in one swallow, then set it down again with a soft clack.

“I took down about five of them,” she said, then peered down at her empty glas-s. “What was that, Rose?”

Rose Red smiled somewhat evilly.“Ah, it was a shot of vodka… I thought you’d like it,” she answered. Goldilocks laughed softly for a moment; then her smile faded and she looked Rose in the eye.

“You know,” she began, twirling her empty glas-s around, “you should close down this place and help out. Minae could use your skills, Rose.” Rose shook her head.

“I knew you would ask. But I won’t. It’s as simple as that,” she said with a hint of bitterness in her voice. Goldilocks’ face contorted into one of anger. Her voice, however, remained calm.

“You’re just going to keep on running this place while Minae is destroyed by the Nightmares. Don’t waste your talents. Fight.” Rose turned her back away and began cleaning again.

“I can’t. Not when everybody is out there dying. We’re fighting a losing battle. I’d rather stay away from all the loss,” she said softly. It was then that Wolf spoke up, surprising both of the girls. He had been sitting and remaining silent. They had both forgotten he was there.

“You can’t give up,” he said. “Not yet. My master knew that. She fought… to the very end. And now I will continue to fight for her and for Minae…” Goldilocks now looked at this mysterious stranger with interest.

“You master?” she questioned. Wolf nodded.

“She’s fairly well known. Her true name isn’t known by anybody; most know her as Little Red Riding Hood.” At this, Rose and Goldilocks exchanged confused and shocked glances.

“What happened?” Goldilocks demanded, her usual calm voice gone. Wolf looked up and locked eyes with her.

 “She’s dead,” he answered, his voice barely a whisper.

Dun dun dun DUN. Will continue writing...

Bump <(^_^<)