Another Story of Mine...


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Nouveau

7:37pm Oct 22 2009

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Posts: 2,962

Hello all!  ;D  This is a very old story I was working on before I even thought of Ace/Aaron and Danielle.  e-e  It isn't very good, but I'd love some tips, advice, criticism, I'm listing synonyms...

Chapter 1

 

       From the moment I was born, I was told I was different.  I suppose I felt different, too, but that may just be because I was told.  I was born in a litter of four on the summer solstice.  Inside a warm tent, I remember my mother’s warm pelt and the heat radiating off my brothers’ and sister’s back.  A cool summer breeze broke the blanket of warmth around us.  Up above, the stars shone encouragingly and I heard a soft murmur.

 

       A bright fire was lit outside the tent, and the Alphas gathered around it in many numbers.  An old one, with long gray hair and soft, gentle eyes threw something in the fire that smoked and smelled sweet.  And I remember, those words that imprinted my life forever: “These are the ones.”

 

My first days were filled with sweet milk, rustling and an encouraging sense of security.  As soon as my eyes were opened, though, it was like a whole new world.  Everything was so vivid and clear, every little aspect beckoning to be explored.  Flame, Eagle and Hazel never seemed to notice, and it puzzled me.  They never appreciated the billowing of the leaves, or the crooning of the stream like I did.  From then on, I promised myself to never lose this connection that my siblings lacked.

 

       The day I encountered something bigger than me that breathed and had a pulse (other than the Alphas) was the day I began my suspicions.  It was huge, with muscles rippling beneath its short fur.  A long mane of hair cascaded down its shoulders, and an even longer one swished on its rump.  It had a long, drawn out muzzle and big eyes the size of a walnut.  The creature’s ears rested atop its head, always flicking around nervously.  Altogether, it seemed like a finicky, unstable creature always on edge.  I shrank back as it pounded into out camp.

 

       Flame, Eagle and Hazel joined me, bringing me comfort and the sense of safety.  I felt their fear, but I ignored it.  The creature whinnied, stamping to a halt and sniffing the air suspiciously.  A young Alpha tottered over to us; she was a mere pup.  As she approached, we scattered then regrouped a few body lengths away.  Seeing that she scared us, she crouched down.  And she stayed there.  After a few minutes of maddening waiting, I cautiously approached her.  I sniffed her hand, unsure.  “Suki,” she crooned.  I cocked my head and batted her playfully.  She let out a yelp of laughter, and soon the two of us were romping around.

 

       When we both tired, she sat down and, to my contentment, began to scratch my ears gently.   I leaned against her, my fears forgotten.  Eventually, Flame, Eagle and Hazel came over and tried to get in on her attention.  I was pushed away, and I stayed there.  I didn’t mind, or at least not much.

 

       As I wandered down to the stream, listening to its gentle laughter, Flame joined me.  “Hazel and Eagle pushed me out too,” he explained.  I wagged my tail and laughed.  Eventually, we both entered the stream and began a water-war.  When we were both soaking wet, exhausted, and most likely looking completely bedraggled, we headed back to our mother.  “Look at you two!” she exclaimed angrily.  But despite her frustration, she got to work grooming us.

 

       And so, this is how the first year of my life p*censored*ed.  It was filled with fun and carelessness.  Flame and I became very close, though he never appreciated nature the way I did.  Little did I know what was held in store on my first birthday.

 

Tadaa...  x3  So, what do you think?







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Reeses

7:41pm Oct 22 2009

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I must know whose point of view this is, but I love it! ^^




Wat.
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Nouveau

7:44pm Oct 22 2009

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*Rereads*  Ah...  It doesn't point that out...  *bangs head*  It's a puppy's named Suki.  ^^






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Reeses

7:58pm Oct 22 2009

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Suki...from Avatar? :0 Lol, okay.  Great overall! ^_^




Wat.
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Nouveau

8:00pm Oct 22 2009

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Naw, it is actually the nickname differently spelled of an awesome ex-racehorse.  ^-^






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Reeses

8:01pm Oct 22 2009

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Please tell me he retired happily and wasn't put down...D:




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Nouveau

8:03pm Oct 22 2009

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She.  And yes, that's how I met her.  Well, actually I fell in love with her foal, and then I fell in love with her.  Lol






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Reeses

8:03pm Oct 22 2009

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Ooh. :o She, sorry.  Lol.  I feel bad for racehorses...they have to run whenether they like it or not.




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Nouveau

8:05pm Oct 22 2009

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Yeah, and they're run too early on.  Two years old is way too early.  They aren't even done growing!  *goes off to wail in a corner*






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Reeses

8:13pm Oct 22 2009

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-stabs people who use innocent animals' pains to make a living- D8




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NightmareDream

1:47pm Nov 11 2009

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Nice story though it can get confusing at some parts. :)



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