1. Dentists.
When I was little, I had this lovely dentist named Kane. He used to hold the drill close to my face and make buzzing noises while saying "Ahhh! Watch out, little one, the German Bomber plane is going to drill a hole into your uvulaaaa!" when the drill wasn't near my mouth at all.
And I was always like "wtf is wrong with you."
And he ignored me and continued to ramble on about my uvula.
One day, he poked my nose with the drill, and already being scared enough of him, I jumped off the dentist seat thing and locked myself in a nearby closet.
Turns out there was a janitor in there. He spilt his cleaning products on ther floor, so I was forced to stand and stare awkwardly at him for nearly the whole time I was locked in that closet, because it ended up that it could only be opened with a key once it was locked.
2. Janitors with rainbow stickers on their name tags and lizards in their mouths
While I was staring at the janitor, I noticed a rainbow sticker on his name tag.
I asked him, "why do you have a rainbow sticker on his name tag?"
He didn't respond. All he did was grin.
That's about when I noticed a tiny reptile thing crawling around in his mouth.
He peeled it off his teeth and placed it on my hand, which somehow ended up palm-upwards beside my body.
I love reptiles, mind you, even did back then, but even so, having a complete stranger offer you a tiny lizard thing that was in his mouth for who knows how long is pretty creepy. Not to mention that reptiles have nothing to do with rainbows.
Being the good-natured eight-year-old I was, I just stood there.
3. Boxers with crazy-looking ferrets on them
By the way, the janitor was wearing nothing but a blue workshirt and ferret boxers.
4. Mysterious metal boxes
After two hours or so, I was starting to get very tired. I sat down on a very rusty and unstable-looking metal box.
The janitor, who was rifling through his cleaning things at the time, looked down, screamed, and yanked me up. Before I could shove that lizard (I was still holding it) up his nose or something equally stupid, he told me, "Don't sit there! There are Zorgies and Nananas in there!"
Right after he said that, I heard a thud coming from the inside of the box and a whimper.
I didn't sit down for the rest of the time.
5. Women who appear to pity me
I was in that closet for nearly three hours when someone finally came into their senses and looked in the closet.
By that time, I looked like a scared, grimy little hobo covered in janitor cleaning stuff.
My sister, Kane, and a concerned-looking anonymous woman were atanding outside the door.
Out of all the sensible, intelligent things an eight-year old could have possibly said, I said "I'm thirsty."
The woman dug around her purse for a while and gave me a bottle of thick blue liquid.
As I was a very thirty and desperate eight-year old at the time, I reached out with a shaking hand, grabbed the bottle, and drank the liquid. I did not question it's thickness and vibrant colour.
Turns out it was mouthwash mixed with flour or something.
My sister had to call the Poison Control Center and get my stomach pumped.
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