The Uldalvian Rebel - title may change ^^


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xXAlbiXx

1:22pm Nov 27 2011 (last edited on 11:36am Jan 17 2012)

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Posts: 634


okay, here is a story..... xD

  (i will constantly add to this as I write more )


As I set foot on the salt crusted timber ramp it emitted a strange smell, sort of like gasoline, I paused for a moment to take a last view of the Atquati Harbour, absorbing the familiar scenery and fishy smell of the industrious Port, then turned my back to it’s familiar comfort to look upon the tall mainsail of the Starship. Around me men lugged various cargo up the ramp in readiness to depart. I ran the last few steps and briefly looked to see the arrangement of other guests being introduced around the ship by the captain.

 We were extremely privileged to have none other that Admiral Kir himself, who was said to be the Royal ambassador and head of the Starship fleet of Uldalvi, the unknown planet. This was the first time anyone from the four planets of Rescreatu where going to actually set foot on the forgotten planet and I was one of the lucky few.

I didn’t fancy joining the tour with all those people in smart suits and fluffed up dresses with pretty pink petticoats. No, I’d rather conduct my own exploration, and I had to admit, Kir was a little creepy with his four robotic arms and deep-set purple…eyes? I didn’t quite know if he was human or robot, but I did get the impression that lurking behind those glass spheres lay a mind of supreme intelligence equal to that of a supercomputer. As I didn’t want to get too close to Kir I weaved my way between burly cargo loaders to the bow and stood once again overlooking the Atquati Harbour, the morning breeze gently ruffling my hair.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder and whirled around to come face to face with two glowing amethyst orbs and the sound of quiet whirring and ticking emanating from deep within them. A voice that sounded devoid of emotion, polite and not quiet human spoke;
“What are you doing out here?”


“um, nothing…..sir”
Those cold orbs stared a moment longer before Kir turned and ventured below deck, I stood pondering the abnormality of Kir and if all Uldalvians were the same.

It wasn’t long before we were ready to depart, I had been looking forward to this moment with anticipation as I had no idea how this seemingly ordinary ship would be able to sail amongst the stars to Uldalvi, the only features of the ship that seemed odd were the numerous levers next to the wheel of the ship and the strange translucent orbs held in caskets of rope and suspended within the four main sails.

I watched Kir take his stand at the ship’s helm and grip the vast wheel with his robotic hands. My grip tightened around the wooden banister of the ship and I observed with growing apprehension as Kir yanked on one of the larger levers to his right. A great shudder ran through the ship and I felt it through the wooden sides of the boat, I quickly looked over the side of the vessel thinking that the ship was going down, but instead, I saw large planks of wood detach themselves and recede within the ship, leaving rectangular holes just above the waterline. I watched in fascination as long metallic rods began to emerge, like long featherless wings, then white material zipped along the metallic rods to form side-sails, the wind catching and unfurling them. I turned back to Kir to see him pull another leaver and blue sparks like miniature lightning flashed along the ropes up into the sails and collected in the transparent orbs, causing them to emit an azure glow. I observed this all in wonder as did the crowds gathered below, their cheers and claps rising up from the harbour as the ship began to slowly carve it’s way through the water and gain speed as the wind filled the sails to propel us forward. We quickly began to pick up speed and the waves rose to bid us farewell, slapping with force into the prow of the ship, another shudder gripped the boat and I experienced a split second of weightlessness when the ship first leaped into the air but came crashing down into the waves, sending up white foam as the waves clung to the underside of the boat and the side-sails strained to produce enough lift. I glanced at Kir, two arms struggling to keep the wheel straight and two dancing between levers to maintain balance as the ship struggled to leave the water. With one final convulsion the ship broke free of the tumbling waves and soared into the sky, riding amongst the clouds. Wind whipped my face as we climbed ever nearer the stars and I watched in awe as the Atquati harbour dwindled in size. I gripped the wooden balustrade harder as the ship took on an alarming angle and the force of the air crashing upon me left me with little air to breathe, I suddenly had an alarming thought, we were headed for space meaning that there would be no oxygen! I panicked as I realised now why everyone was below deck. I saw the bluish tinge of the oxygen rich Atquati atmosphere deepen into the dark blue hue of space. I took a deep breath and tried to run for the door that would lead me to safety but as soon as I let go of the wooden banister a strange feeling gripped my body and my legs missed the deck below me, confusion engulfed my mind as I was running full pelt but I seemed to be heading up… then the force of my stupidity hit me, as well as the lack of oxygen there was also no gravity, pure fear invaded my mind as my lungs began to burn for oxygen and I flailed around trying to grab the sails or a passing rope. My vision started to become hazy with multi-coloured dots and my arms began to slow their frantic action. The dark of space began to grow even darker as I knew this was the end… something solid collided with the back of my head producing a sound like shattering glass and a force akin to an explosion sent me hurtling towards deck , my oxygen-starved brain couldn’t put together that such a small shattering of glass couldn’t produce that much force but with sickening speed I hit the deck. The breath I had been holding was torn from my chest and by reflex action, my lungs sucked in the toxic fumes of space…


I lay there, the gnarled wood digging into my cheek, panting like a fish out of water… why was I not dead? Detached laughter entered my ears and bounced around my head as I gingerly turned to face it’s source. Again, those purple orbs made their appearance.
“ You are wondering why you are still alive, yes?”
Carefully I levered myself into a semi-upright position but fell down again as sharp pain bit into my arm, tears began to form in my eyes as the sudden flare of pain died down to a dull ache. Kir watched all this with what I thought was vague amusement; I managed a sitting position as Kir continued his explanation.
 “ See these?”
Kir bent down to pick up one of the larger glass shards littering the deck around me, they were glowing faintly with the same azure spark I had seen earlier.
“ These used to be one of the Regulation orbs, we are able to channel the relative gravity of the four planets of Rescreatu into them and add a chemical that produces oxygen. These allow our human passengers to come up on deck and observe the various constellations… which seems to please them.”
Kir turned on his heel to return to the helm, the edge of his black robe flapped in my face and I thought that I must’ve looked stupid if a robot was humouring me. Gently I picked up the largest shard of glowing glass and wondered at how Kir could make such a beautiful thing sound so boring, I put the glass shard to my eye to see the sapphire glow ebb and swirl within.

A quaint “harrumph” reached my ears and I looked up to see the Ambassador for Scria in her volumous pink dress that barely managed to restrain her ample hips and seemed to hamper her breathing for she was fanning herself furiously with a fluffy pink fan and her manicured brows were pulled down in a hawk-like frown. I could tell that she thought I was stealing the orb fragments and that they were some precious jewels. She was just about to reprimand me when something caught her eye and she squealed with apparent delight, she tottered to the side of the ship with all the other passengers to look with awe at the stars whirling past us. The image of a fat piglet in high heels sprung to mind and I suppressed laughter that turned into hiccoughed tears as the shock of events came down on me, I receded below deck as I had had enough of space for one day.


A rising calamity outside my cabin door roused my consciousness and stirred up excitement once more, we must be near Uldalvi! I gripped the shining brass handle with haste and opened the door; I peered around the corridor at the people rushing past and hurriedly withdrew my head as one of the load men hauled a large oak barrel atop his burly tanned shoulders past the doorframe, nearly taking my nose with him. I watched him grunt his way up the stairs to the main deck when a flicker of green flashed across the bottom of my vision, I looked down to find a creature I had never seen before, fixing me to the spot with its inquisitive scarlet stare. It’s head came to just above the knee and it stood on four disproportionately long umber coloured legs with four toes apiece. Long green fur, which I initially thought was moss, draped across its underbelly and hung like a limp flag from its long curled tail with mottled shades of green dotting it’s back. The extensive fur on its face was light cream with what I assumed were long furry brown ears dangling from the side of its head and from what I could make out under all the fur, this creature had no mouth. With such an oddity gazing at me I could only stare back as the creature iinclined its head to the left, seemingly in puzzlement as it stood there regarding me. It gave a flick of its long tail and tilted its head this time to the right, my voice spoke my thoughts:


“What are you?”


The creature didn’t react so I knelt down, drawn in by those crimson spheres. I raised a hand to the pale fur on its face, expecting the fur to be thick but it was like a drape of silk that flowed and parted easily to reveal a la
yer of short downy fluff that felt like the softest velvet, I gently stroked the creature in amazement until it suddenly jerked it’s head with lightning speed into my hand and I felt sharp little razors cut into the skin of my finger. I jumped back with a yelp, clutching my hand to my chest with the strange creature acting as if it had never moved, a strange noise invaded my head and whispered in serpent–like tones:


My name is Phaeda…




Let me know what you think of it :)

 





...
Rabbah

1:39pm Nov 27 2011 (last edited on 1:39pm Nov 27 2011)

Normal User


Posts: 1,557
Edits will be underlined~
Notes will be bold~


As I set foot on the salt crusted timber ramp, it emitted a strange
smell, sort of like gasoline. I paused for a moment to take a last view
of the Atquati Harbor, absorbing the familiar scenery and fishy smell
of the industrious Harbor[Instead of Harbor, have something like 'dock' or 'water'], then turned my back to it’s familiar comfort
to look upon the tall mainsail of the Starship. Around me men lugged
various cargo up the ramp in readiness to depart. I ran the last few
steps and briefly looked to see the arrangement of other guests being
introduced around the ship by the captain.

[New paragraph]We were extremely privileged
to have none other that Admiral Kir himself, who was said to be the Royal
 ambassador and head of the Starship fleet of Uldalvi, the unknown
planet. This was the first time anyone from the four planets of
Rescreatu where going to actually set foot on the forgotten planet, and I
 was one of the lucky few![I suggest having a '.' instead, '!'s are usually only used when someone is talking. You can keep it if you want, though.]

[New paragraph]I didn’t much[Take away 'much'] fancy joining the tour with all
 those people in smart suits and fluffed up dresses with pretty pink
petticoats. No, I’d rather conduct my own exploration, and I had to
admit, Kir was a little creepy with his four robotic arms and deepset[I'm not sure if this is a word. Maybe change it to 'deep'?]
purple…eyes? I didn’t quite know if he was human or robot, but I did get
the impression that lurking behind those glass spheres lay a mind of
supreme intelligence equal to that of a supercomputer. As I didn’t want
to get too close to Kir, I weaved my way between burly cargo loaders to
the bow and stood once again overlooking the Atquati Harbor, the
morning breeze gently ruffling my hair.

[New Paragraph]
I felt a light tap on my
shoulder and whirled around to come face to face with two glowing orbs
the colour of amethysts[You might want to have 'two glowing amethysts orbs' instead. It makes the sentence flow a bit better]
and the sound of quiet whirring and ticking
emanating from deep within them. A voice that sounded devoid of emotion,
 polite and not quiet human spoke.

“What are you doing out here?”


I love the deion you put into this, and I can't wait to read more.
[[My computer screwed up the formatting, sorry]]



~rabbah
xXAlbiXx

2:06pm Nov 27 2011 (last edited on 11:17am Jan 23 2012)

Normal User


Posts: 634
thanku for that :D it's really appreciated, 

 As I set foot on the salt crusted timber ramp it emitted a strange smell, sort of like gasoline, I paused for a moment to take a last view of the Atquati Harbour, absorbing the familiar scenery and fishy smell of the industrious Port, then turned my back to it’s familiar comfort to look upon the tall mainsail of the Starship. Around me men lugged various cargo up the ramp in readiness to depart. I ran the last few steps and briefly looked to see the arrangement of other guests being introduced around the ship by the captain.rnrnWe were extremely privileged to have none other that Admiral Kir himself, who was said to be the Royal ambassador and head of the Starship fleet of Uldalvi, the unknown planet. This was the first time anyone from the four planets of Rescreatu where going to actually set foot on the forgotten planet and I was one of the lucky few.rnrnI didn’t fancy joining the tour with all those people in smart suits and fluffed up dresses with pretty pink petticoats. No, I’d rather conduct my own exploration, and I had to admit, Kir was a little creepy with his four robotic arms and deep-set purple…eyes? I didn’t quite know if he was human or robot, but I did get the impression that lurking behind those glass spheres lay a mind of supreme intelligence equal to that of a supercomputer. As I didn’t want to get too close to Kir I weaved my way between burly cargo loaders to the bow and stood once again overlooking the Atquati Harbour, the morning breeze gently ruffling my hair.rnrnI felt a light tap on my shoulder and whirled around to come face to face with two glowing amethyst orbs and the sound of quiet whirring and ticking emanating from deep within them. A voice that sounded devoid of emotion, polite and not quiet human spoke;rn“What are you doing out here?”



...
xXAlbiXx

1:59pm Dec 3 2011 (last edited on 3:06pm Dec 5 2011)

Normal User


Posts: 634
“um, nothing…..sir”
Those cold orbs stared a moment longer before Kir turned and ventured below deck, I stood pondering the abnormality of Kir and if all Uldalvians were the same.

It wasn’t long before we were ready to depart, I had been looking forward to this moment with anticipation as I had no idea how this seemingly ordinary ship would be able to sail amongst the stars to Uldalvi, the only features of the ship that seemed odd were the numerous levers next to the wheel of the ship and the strange translucent orbs held in caskets of rope and suspended within the four main sails.

I watched Kir take his stand at the ship’s helm and grip the vast wheel with his robotic hands. My grip tightened around the wooden banister of the ship and I observed with growing apprehension as Kir yanked on one of the larger leavers to his right. A great shudder ran through the ship and I felt it through the wooden sides of the boat, I quickly looked over the side of the vessel thinking that the ship was going down, but instead, I saw large planks of wood detach themselves and recede within the ship, leaving rectangular holes just above the waterline. I watched in fascination as long metallic rods began to emerge, like long featherless wings, then white material zipped along the metallic rods to form side-sails, the wind catching and unfurling them. I turned back to Kir to see him pull another leaver and blue sparks like miniature lightning flashed along the ropes up into the sails and collected in the transparent orbs, causing them to emit an azure glow. I observed this all in wonder as did the crowds gathered below, their cheers and claps rising up from the harbour as the ship began to slowly carve it’s way through the water and gain speed as the wind filled the sails to propel us forward. We quickly began to pick up speed and the waves rose to bid us farewell, slapping with force into the prow of the ship, another shudder gripped the boat and I experienced a split second of weightlessness when the ship first leaped into the air but came crashing down into the waves, sending up white foam as the waves clung to the underside of the boat and the side-sails strained to produce enough lift. I glanced at Kir, two arms struggling to keep the wheel straight and two dancing between levers to maintain balance as the ship struggled to leave the water. With one final convulsion the ship broke free of the tumbling waves and soared into the sky, riding amongst the clouds. Wind whipped my face as we climbed ever nearer the stars and I watched in awe as the Atquati harbour dwindled in size. I gripped the wooden balustrade harder as the ship took on an alarming angle and the force of the air crashing upon me left me with little air to breathe, I suddenly had an alarming thought, we were headed for space meaning that there would be no oxygen! I panicked as I realised now why everyone was below deck. I saw the bluish tinge of the oxygen rich Atquati atmosphere deepen into the dark blue hue of space. I took a deep breath and tried to run for the door that would lead me to safety but as soon as I let go of the wooden banister a strange feeling gripped my body and my legs missed the deck below me, confusion engulfed my mind as I was running full pelt but I seemed to be heading up… then the force of my stupidity hit me, as well as the lack of oxygen there was also no gravity, pure fear invaded my mind as my lungs began to burn for oxygen and I flailed around trying to grab the sails or a passing rope. My vision started to become hazy with multi-coloured dots and my arms began to slow their frantic action. The dark of space began to grow even darker as I knew this was the end… something solid collided with the back of my head producing a sound like shattering glass and a force akin to an explosion sent me hurtling towards deck , my oxygen-starved brain couldn’t put together that such a small shattering of glass couldn’t produce that much force but with sickening speed I hit the deck. The breath I had been holding was torn from my chest and by reflex action, my lungs sucked in the toxic fumes of space…



...
omnoms

2:12pm Dec 3 2011

Normal User


Posts: 1,938
/s-s-subscribe O__O





xXAlbiXx

2:45pm Dec 3 2011 (last edited on 12:56pm Jan 16 2012)

Normal User


Posts: 634
I lay there, the gnarled wood digging into my cheek, panting like a fish out of water… why was I not dead? Detached laughter entered my ears and bounced around my head as I gingerly turned to face it’s source. Again, those purple orbs made their appearance. rn“ You are wondering why you are still alive, yes?”rnCarefully I levered myself into a semi-upright position but fell down again as sharp pain bit into my arm, tears began to form in my eyes as the sudden flare of pain died down to a dull ache. Kir watched all this with what I thought was vague amusement, I managed a sitting position as Kir continued his explanation.rn“ See these?”rnKir bent down to pick up one of the larger glass shards littering the deck around me, they were glowing faintly with the same azure spark I had seen earlier.rn“ These used to be one of the Regulation orbs, we are able to channel the relative gravity of the four planets of Rescreatu into them and add a chemical that produces oxygen. These allow our human passengers to come up on deck and observe the various constellations… which seems to please them.”rnKir turned on his heel to return to the helm, the edge of his black robe flapped in my face and I thought that I must’ve looked stupid if a robot was humouring me. Gently I picked up the largest shard of glowing glass and wondered at how Kir could make such a beautiful thing sound so boring, I put the glass shard to my eye to see the sapphire glow ebb and swirl within. rnrnA quaint “harrumph” reached my ears and I looked up to see the Ambassador for Scria in her volumous pink dress that barely managed to restrain her ample hips and seemed to hamper her breathing for she was fanning herself furiously with a fluffy pink fan and her manicured brows were pulled down in a hawk-like frown. I could tell that she thought I was stealing the orb fragments and that they were some precious jewels. She was just about to reprimand me when something caught her eye and she squealed with apparent delight, she tottered to the side of the ship with all the other passengers to look with awe at the stars whirling past us. The image of a fat piglet in high heels sprung to mind and I suppressed laughter that turned into hiccoughed tears as the shock of events came down on me, I receded below deck as I had had enough of space for one day.



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LadyDoom

2:53pm Dec 3 2011

Normal User


Posts: 3
please add a creatu that want's to eat your shoes?
xXAlbiXx

2:56pm Dec 3 2011

Normal User


Posts: 634
will do ^^



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omnoms

3:31pm Dec 3 2011

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Posts: 1,938
Oh what a great story this is forminnng.
Moar plox. Make something of Phaeda too? You know what it is right? o 3o





xXAlbiXx

3:10pm Dec 5 2011

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Posts: 634
Bumpeth, writing the nest part real soon :3



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xXAlbiXx

10:13am Dec 24 2011

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Posts: 634
bump...no time *naws* but i'm writing o.O i am...



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xXAlbiXx

12:37pm Jan 12 2012

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Posts: 634
i will write more on this O_O i'm detirmined




...
xXAlbiXx

1:24pm Jan 16 2012 (last edited on 1:41pm Jan 16 2012)

Normal User


Posts: 634

A rising calamity outside my cabin door roused my consciousness and stirred up excitement once more, we must be near Uldalvi! I gripped the shining brass handle with haste and opened the door; I peered around the corridor at the people rushing past and hurriedly withdrew my head as one of the load men hauled a large oak barrel atop his burly tanned shoulders past the door frame, nearly taking my nose with him. I watched him grunt his way up the stairs to the main deck when a flicker of green flashed across the bottom of my vision, I looked down to find a creature I had never seen before, fixing me to the spot with its inquisitive scarlet stare. It’s head came to just above the knee and it stood on four disproportionately  long umber coloured legs with four toes apiece, long green fur which I initially thought was moss draped across its underbelly and hung like a limp flag from its long curled tail with mottled shades of green dotting it’s back. The extensive fur on its face was light cream with what I assumed were long furry brown ears dangling from the side of its head and from what I could make out under all the fur, this creature had no mouth.

With such an oddity gazing at me I could only stare back as the creature inclined its head to the left, seemingly in puzzlement as it stood there regarding me. It gave a flick of its long tail and tilted its head this time to the right, my voice spoke my thoughts:


“What are you?”


The creature didn’t react so I knelt down, drawn in by those crimson spheres. I raised a hand to the pale fur on its face, expecting the fur to be thick but it was like a drape of silk that flowed and parted easily to reveal a la
yer of short downy fluff that felt like the softest velvet, I gently stroked the creature in amazement until it suddenly jerked it’s head with lightning speed into my hand and I felt sharp little razors cut into the skin of my finger. I jumped back clutching my hand to my chest with the strange creature acting as if it had never moved, a strange noise invaded my head and whispered in serpent –like tones:


My name is Phaeda…





...
Drenn

12:26pm Jan 19 2012

Normal User


Posts: 2,290
Great job  xXAlbiXx and at the beginning the harbor is fine.  you don't need to edit that.  Keep up the good work.  I look forward to reading more.  Also good job with being deive and making comparisons to things.  And like I said keep up the good work.



Drenn

12:26pm Jan 19 2012 (last edited on 12:28pm Jan 19 2012)

Normal User


Posts: 2,290
I almost forgot.  Please let me know whenever you update the story.  It is really good so far and look forward to its progress.  If you need help with anything, please let me know and I will be more than glad to help in any way I can.



xXAlbiXx

12:29pm Jan 19 2012

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Posts: 634
thanku Drenn :D i'm writing the nxt part now ^^




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xXAlbiXx

12:53am Jan 25 2012

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Posts: 634
bUmP will update this soon o.O




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