Poem, critique for me?


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Shao

10:22pm Mar 27 2011

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Posts: 1,792

What is war?

Is war for truth? Or just a lie?

 

War is death, delusions and denial.

Lives lost in fire and ice, those slain.

War is something always in style.

Think twice so your life's not in vain.

 

What is peace?

Is it real? Or war awry?

 

Peace is truth, or so they say.

End of things uncouth, part of knight's round.

Unsown fields re-grown in day.

All paid in worthless dreams abound.

 

Does either exist?

For one with eyes will know.

To hide away their loves,

Before the next fresh snow.

 







Bretts

10:26pm Mar 27 2011

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Posts: 375
The flow of this poem is simply perfect, well done. I like it. ^^



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Yeah.
Shao

10:26pm Mar 27 2011

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Posts: 1,792
lol, thanks Bretts <3 apparently I have a talent for these things, I might write a story later on.






Bretts

10:48pm Mar 27 2011

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Posts: 375
If you converted a story with what you wrote it would be flowing just like the poem. G'luck if you do. :)



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Yeah.
Shao

11:06pm Mar 27 2011

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Posts: 1,792
Thank you very much Bretts <3 I hope it will work XD I'm norotious for not finishing my stories. I find that I don't like them after writing for several months.






DracoTarcheInazuma

12:35am Mar 28 2011

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Posts: 1,082

War is something always in style.
This line bothered me. I just doesn't seem to fit with the other context.

This is a rather nice poem, I must say.




Shao

9:58pm Mar 28 2011

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Posts: 1,792
Lol thanks Draco, that line... I came up with randomly XDS






srsmith

12:39pm Jul 10 2011

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Posts: 139

i love your poem.

 




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