Rescreatu - Virtual Pet Game

opinions, please?


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Morgain

7:14pm Apr 29 2009

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Posts: 934
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Four tigers lay camouflaged in the grass. The largest was an old dame, nearing the end of her years. Her pelt was growing coarse and ratted, folding over old scars and battle markings. A large piece of her right ear was missing, and the black tip of her tail was almost gone. Her once bright, shimmering golden fur had begun to turn silver, and her thin, elegant stripes had begun to fade into gray.

The tigress smiled, revealing beautiful white teeth. Though old, she was still skilled at hunting, and this had given her yet another beautiful gift. She smiled because the Goddess, Sinta, had granted her new life, two who now slept between her paws.

The slightly larger one was male. His fur was the average golden-orange, but his bold stripes reflected a shiny, charcoal-gray. This was an odd coloring for a tiger’s stripes, but the old female knew he would someday grow into a handsome ruler of the ground. She knew, too, that if she did her job, he would be a feared, wild hunter.

The other small bundle of life was female. She had an oddly light fur coat. Unlike her brother, it was sleek, having more top coat than downy fur. This was common in young females, the mother had noted, and usually the coats would later even out into a balanced ratio. The female’s stripes where thick and dark, covering her fragile body from ears to tail tip.

The old mother smiled, both with joy and sadness. She had lost many cubs over the years, and seeing these two reminded her of one of the most ancient laws of the tigers: Never name the cubs before four moons. It made sense. Breaking this rule had caused the old tiger mother much pain and suffering. No longer would she be like the wild dogs who name their pups the hour of their birth, and sometimes even before.

Thinking of all her lost named cubs made the old mother’s eyes water. Before a tear could streak her face, however, the fourth tiger interrupted her troubled thoughts.

“Mother,” The speaker was Arti, the only survivor of her mother’s last littler. She was stronger than the average female, having learned to care for herself at an extremely young age. She was larger than her mother by this time, her stripes bold and black against her deeply colored fur.

The old tigress looked up at her. “Yes, my daughter?”

Arti’s ears twitched. The hot afternoon sun soaked easily into her thin, slick coat. She did not look back at her mother, lying below her. Arti was the kind of tiger that stood tall and proud no matter the situation. “I believe the time has come when I no longer need a mother.”

At this, the eldest of the four stood up.

The young male squeaked in protest. He blinked his youthful green-blue eyes up at his mother, wondering why she had left him and his sister, whose eyes had not yet opened.

Turning away from her mother, Arti continued on, not going to stand for protest. “I shall go out on my own. I am old enough now.”

The mother opened her mouth pleadingly in protest. “Arti, you’re not even the age of three! You have no mothering experience. Where on Earth will you go?” The elder felt her face get hot as tears threatened to fall from her deep, amber eyes. She held them back.  She knew this would happen someday. She only wished she had pushed Arti from her rather than leaving at her own time.

At last, the daughter looked over her shoulder, sadly gazing into the battle-scarred face of her mother. “I do not know where I will go, Mother.” She blinked, not wanting to break eye contact. “Nor how far.”

When Arti finally turned her head, a tear rolled down the side of the old tiger’s face. She paused, gathering her thoughts, and then she said, “You leave your mother’s protection with only her blessing, if you will have it.”

Arti nodded her head once, trying not to cry herself. “Aye, Mother.”

She went on, flicking the comment away as she folded her scarred ears to her head. “Then you must no longer call me Mother, but by my proper name.”

Arti, between sobs, turned to her mother. She was really going to leave. Once she called her mother by her birth name, there was no turning back. She bowed her head, then looked sadly into her mother’s eyes, perhaps for the last time.

The old mother licked her face, more tears streaming down her fur. “Goodbye, my daughter.”

Arti forced back the choking in her throat. “Goodbye, Eka.”

Eka watched her daughter turn sharply away, and sadly watched her run over the hills, and out of her territory boundaries. She watched her run until she was certain her daughter was gone. She turned her head to the sky, and silently prayed to the Tiger God and Goddess, Dian and Sinta. She prayed that nothing would harm her for a long time.

“Please,” She begged them. “Don’t let anything become of her. She’s too young, and has suffered too much. She has lost her brothers and sister. Please, please….” She sobbed.

The tigress mother sat in the afternoon sun along time, tears staining her fur as they fell down her face. Then another noise awakened her from her troubles.

The little male had squeaked again.

Eka slowly padded over to her cubs, a few moons old. She sat down, noticing that the little male had opened his eyes this day. She thought it a blessing to have the eyes of the next generation to open, and she smiled again. She didn’t care if she broke the rule once more.

“Aditya,” She muttered.

Aditya looked up, as if knowing already the name was his alone.

Eka wondered if breaking the law one last time would hurt, and looked at the female.

“Kade. Your name will be Kade.”



Offline; back and looking to get roleplaying again (as well as reviving my poor pets!)
 _Ranvier

9:33pm Apr 29 2009

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Posts: 1,731

Very interesting. It has a good feel for a story, and I liked it a lot. ^_^ There were a few grammar or spelling mistakes, but very few, as that's nothing serious. Anyways, great job. Keep going with it. :)





Firoia

7:44am Apr 30 2009

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Posts: 149
I agree with Uwibami. =3 You do a wonderful job of protraying emotions, though something about them seems a little too...human. But in a way, that can be a good thing. It all depends on what you as a writer are aiming for, so don't take it the wrong way. I like it. ^ ^



I love you Omena. <3
"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." -- Doug Larson
Raru

9:15am Apr 30 2009 (last edited on 9:18am Apr 30 2009)

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Posts: 583

Mm, I sort of...er...stopped reading once I hit the point Firoia made xD

First of all, I like the beginning. It made me quite interested o3o

But when I got to the part when the tigers cried, it made me stopped. No while I quite like the strength of the emotions it felt, as Firoia put it, too human. with animal stories this sort of loses the idea that these are tigers. Personally, this is what I dislike about stories centred around animals. The human element in it. Again, my opinion.

But overall, your deions were interesting and at times remind me of Mowgli's story in the Jungle Book which I quite liked :3





Morgain

9:23pm May 6 2009

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Posts: 934

Oh, "The JUngle Book." That was good. THanks for the comments, guys! That really helps! I'll besure to keep that in mind when I go over it again! ^^

Oh, and sorry for the spelling/grammer mistakes. Usually my family looks over it. I'm very dislexic, and I make quite a few mistakes. Anyway, thanks again!




Offline; back and looking to get roleplaying again (as well as reviving my poor pets!)
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