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_Ranvier

9:56pm Feb 20 2010 (last edited on 1:20pm Mar 25 2010)

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Posts: 1,731
I'm trying to get myself back into writing.
Lately I've had a horrid writers block and lack of motivation.
Which doesn't go very well for a writer, hurdurp.
Anyways, I'm wondering if I still have it in me.
This has been looked over once or twice, so mistakes might still be there.
I don't mind critique, but I really am not looking for it. If you decide to, nothing harsh I suppose.
Thanks for reading. c:
 
And yes, this is the rebirth of the book I lost long ago.
This is a prologue.
Or... part of it. It's not finished.
 
------
 

They moved swiftly through the night, quiet footsteps making them nearly impossible to sense. Their bodies were lowered to the ground in an evident symbol of lurking. It was a pair, creatures of the night, forms obscured by the darkened skies that night carried beneath her wings. The forest, or so the place seemed to be, was filled with a chilling silence. Nothing besides the two seemed to move, the wind somehow ceased and the natural nighttime chatter dulled away into a faint ringing of the ears that one would only imagine really existed. That same ringing along with whatever the mind might imagine fitting the setting; but if it were appropriate envision in place such as this, the beasts wandering through the undergrowth would have been a figment of the imagination as well.

                Finally the two stopped at the edge of a cliff side, a breeze suddenly starting when they stepped out of the forest. It tousled their manes, causing both to raise their heads and look towards the heart of the moon with mystery and wonder. Darkness still wrapped her arms around them, the faint silhouettes illuminated by that same moon. If one was happening to observe the two creatures, it was evident that one was larger than the other by a considerable degree. A correct guess would be that the bigger form was indeed the older of the two. But even then, compared to the size of a man, these creatures were larger than anything normally roaming around those parts.

                “Father, where are we going…?” The words came out and gruffly, a thick, otherworldly accent making them nearly impossible to understand.

                His father said nothing at first, remaining silent as he peered down into the seemingly impenetrable darkness. While he and his offspring knew what lay before them, down the basin of the raised tuff of land that they stood on, it was a spot where other animals would easily tumble to their demise.

                “I am going to teach you another lesson, my son. All your senses must be accurate for this. This may just be the toughest lesson I have ever given you.”

                The teen looked towards the other, blinking in surprise. “The hardest? What are you planning, father? I don’t want to do anything too hard and…” He trailed off, shrinking under the hard, cold stare that had suddenly turned to him.

                “You will do as I say, and you will do it right. Cowardice shall have you killed in an instant. Humans have no respect for our kind.”

                “Yes, father…”

                The parent said nothing, dangerous form sliding down the ridge that lead to the bottom of the overhang. His son followed quickly, doing his best to imitate the lethal grace that his caretaker seemed to have. Though clearly built to fight, as shown by the scars and compact muscles, it was some work keeping up with the pace that his father liked to accommodate.

                This part of the forest was quite unfamiliar to him, though he knew what forest they happened to be in. He just stuck close to his father, mimicking his every movement and keeping his senses on edge, as he had been told to do. The forest slowly waned in the number of trees; crowded spaces that would have caused some trouble for his dad to clamber through were replaced with an open p*censored*age. The sky became visible, stars twinkling in contrast to where they happened to reside. The adolescent looked up at the stars for some time, trusting his instincts and hearing for his father’s footsteps to keep pace. Many questions of the world above started to rise in his mind yet again and he found himself drifting, the intense focus he had before quickly slipping away. He was snapped back to reality by a harsh nip to the ear and it took all of him not to yelp in a mixture of pain and surprise.

                “Walk faster or I will sink my jaws into your hind and make you run.” At the tone of his voice the teen lowered his head, wings pressing to his figure as he scampered ahead of his father. It was harder keeping track of which direction his mentor took when he was walking in front him, but if it saved him from another unpleasant and painful bite then that was the best outcome of all.

                He continued this way for what seemed like a good hour before a deep snarling told him to stop. He did so, glancing back at the larger beast that moved past him, motioning with a flick of his tail that it was safe to follow but not cross. Inching slowly, he leaned his ears forward as though something interesting lay ahead; whether he knew it or not, something indeed did. Lights; hundreds of twinkling little stars in an area he guessed was a city. He looked towards his father, wondering what he would say and why he led him there after all the years of scorn and hatred he seemed to show towards mankind. He didn’t know the name of the city, but he knew one thing; cities had lots of humans, lots of humans meant lots of protection, and lots of protection meant lots of danger for a creature that had no place there.

                For the fear of being hurt again he said nothing, keeping his underbelly pressed to the gr*censored* below. Even for such a big place it was quite desolate at night; few people roamed the streets and though lights were on in houses, most were probably sleeping. Shimmering movements could be seen every now and then, crossing from road to road from foot to horseback, a sword or lance in hand. He watched intently, sharp vision skillfully picking out details of the city that his father had trained him to do over the years. So far, even with sentries around, the place seemed peacefully at easy and unaware of any future attack that could have taken place. It was only to be expected, as the odds of that happening were very slight. This city was in the heart of the Elesarian Kingdom, a powerful nation that was known for its brute force. Meddling with something so far in the nation was foolhardy.
                His father moved his head slowly, turning to look at his offspring. “You will go in there and prove your strength to me. Show me that you have learned something from our limited, yet plentiful lessons, and that you are proud to carry my name. Kill a guard and bring him here. With our natural speed and prowess it should hold no difficulties. IF you know what you are doing, however.” Somehow a smile tugged at the end of his jaw line. “If you do not bring one back… expect to be dead because of them, or near death because of me. I do not accept failures.”

                The younger seemed appalled. “Kill a guard? Bring him here? But father, this goes against everything you’ve taught me and—“

                A snarl tore through the silence, dagger like fangs glistening in his direction. The son slunk backwards, whimpering from the sudden anger that his father seemed to show. The larger stood, suddenly towering over the other, wings opening just slightly and claws digging into the surface of the earth. It was an action with no words but spoke plenty in the language of the silent; the teen took no time in turning and leaping away, bounding down the hillside leading into the city that, just moments ago, he was observing comfortably in the safety of the thin forest line.

                It felt strange wandering alone. Most of the times he was always by his father’s side, never allowed to amble too far or stray too close to something his father disliked. He could fend for himself and his size provided an advantage; humans might compare him to the size of a jaguar with some difficulty—a winged jaguar, at that. Now wasn’t that something normal to stumble upon? He chortled to himself, making sure to stick to the shadows the closer he came to the town. His first priority was getting inside unseen, which wouldn’t prove to be much of a problem. He paused when the walls of the city loomed overhead, looking upward and seeing flickering glow of lanterns were guards were positioned. Maybe he could just swoop in and strike one down to take back; that would save him the time and effort of actually having to kill the human himself. Then again, this human didn’t mean any harm to him, so why was he going to kill it in the first place?

                 He leaned forward, as though there were some sort of physical barrier that kept him from being going up to the city walls. In some sense there was. Caution was one of them, as the roads winding around were commonly treaded by guards during their nightly rounds. Only until he was certain the path was clear did he slowly step out of the limited cover of the trees, footsteps completely blending into the midst of silence in the air.

                Trotting carried him at a good pace. He kept a smooth stride, ears tilted forward and listening to his surroundings. He wasn’t exactly scared, but at the same time he wasn’t comfortable with lurking near a residential area. Once positioned underneath where he saw a light from above he crouched, preparing to make his clean sweep over the top of the wall. He steadied himself, wings unfurling in the night air with a quick motion and spreading wide. They were powerful appendages, stretching at least two of his body lengths when combined. Sleek and leathery, their purpose was evident; move quickly and make no sound when in the skies. When he was sure about their stability they folded some, about to take to the skies when suddenly the sound of clicking caused him to pull them firmly back into place. Snorting in surprise he whipped around and stared down the road, darkness proving no problem for his vision.

                It took him a few moments to mentally identify the interruption as a horse. He could see its head moving in a repeated motion, strong legs and broad chest glistening in the moonlight. It had armor, but limited amounts at that. Its coat was a reddish coloration, making it a chestnut, though the tone was barely visible with the limited light. It moved with a slight bounce to its step, signifying that it was young and full of life. The beast growled slightly, pressing his side to the wall and lying with his belly against the surface of the ground. He was a bit hungry and the horse did tempt him, but it was probably being ridden by a soldier of some sort.

                When it moved into the light of the lantern above he could then clearly see who—or what—was actually steering the steed. The human turned out to be different from his expectations, making him pull his head back slightly in surprise. A man…no, a young man, appearing about fourteen or fifteen years old, sat atop the animal with an undeniable sort of grace; a grace that, for a male, was uncommon to come by. He was clothed in a full suit of armor that was more intricate than that of a normal guard; silver, but with touches of gold and green melded into the design. A deep, crimson cape draped around his shoulders and fell down his back, swaying almost carefully with the movements of the horse. His helm was just as detailed, leaving the very front of his face visible and nothing else. For someone so young his deep, hazel eyes were fierce and untamed; for someone with a seemingly noble stature it was as if a beast similar to himself was lurking underneath that metal shell.

                What caught the adolescence’s eyes more than anything was the weapon the knight carried. A lance about five meters in length was clutched firmly in his right hand, bladed tip glinting dangerously at him. The weapon wasn’t actually pointed at him, but it made him feel very uneasy. He had seen equipment like that a few times, but most warriors preferred the simple sword in place of lugging around such an extension of weight. He shuddered, trying to press himself farther into the slight crevice that separated the wall from the ground.

Suddenly he stopped, jerking from the wall in a quick, reptilian movement. His father wanted him to take out a soldier and bring his remains to him. Sure, that was easier said than done, and when watching this knight move casually past it was indeed daunting. But it was either getting hurt by a human or hurt by his father. When weighing the odds, he quickly came to the conclusion that he would rather get injured taking the soldier out than having his father take him out. Wincing to himself he slowly crept from his position, slithering in the shadows and keeping a good distance from the noble.




twintgirlie

2:13am Feb 21 2010

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Posts: 168

Omg. The all-awesome Uwi appeared on the Writing forum ;o 

CATCH IT, GUISE!The UWI! ;O Rein it! Whip the blood out! COllect it! Get the mysterious figure with a beard to donate blood! and... Hey, it's like Pet's idea =P 





./l、
(゚、 。 7
.l、 ~ヽ
じしf_,)ノ
_Ranvier

3:11am Feb 21 2010

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Posts: 1,731
I'd really prefer if you posted here about my writing... :/




Theyellowflash

4:08am Feb 21 2010

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Posts: 1,210
 
 
 
 
You comments on mine,i comments on yours ;o
 
 but i still would,even if you hadn't.Cos Uwiness writes nice stuff~
 
Too bad i never got to actually reading the story when you still had it :c i was such a lazy bum.
 thats why i was really happy to hear youre re-writing it <3
 
 
 
 
nothing bad to say,even though i think i saw a typo or two somewhere. sorry i dont remember where anymore ;c i know getting typos in all those long texts can get quite annoying. Gotta spend ten minutes just reading through the whole thing again xD;
 
 i love it how you start it with something that seemingly has nothing to do with the story,considering its about the high ranks of the kingdom,right?so ive hear from the m*censored*es,at least.
 
And dood,you describe things really well. 
 wish i had those skills. too bad Latvia doesnt have many libraries with books in english xD /muttermutter
 
 
long post is even longer 
 
 
Raru

7:57am Feb 21 2010

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Posts: 583

There is something extremely attractive about stories beginning with a big letter ;o (oh yes, I am a shallow wriiiiteeeer)

Homg I don't know how much sense my comments will make as i just returned home from Malaysia and am now (suppose) to be revising soooo...

I'm not going to really go into an in-depth review until you're ready but I like it so far c: It's interesting how you've opted to take a different beginning but it really brings out more depth in the character this way, like we learn without them needing to tell us which is what I like xD

And either I haven't been reading a lot of your work or your style of writing has changed,unlike a lot of people you actually have some romantic sense in you which I must say is a relief (since no one seems to comprehend that writing is a frikkinartfosdhjfjdf- [/ends rant]). You actually becoming more poetic with your words but I can see you preference for larger words is still there xD Sometimes I think simpler words -in the case of the 'cranium', can't see any other that I picked out- works best but eh, that's me.

What I am so glad to see is that there is certainly a great deal of improvement from when you first started Trust. Not a lot listens to advice and really rushes into your churning out the whole plot as oppose to sitting down and really thinking about how to make their stories beautiful. I think I've actually became a cynic because of a lot of stuff I've read. But this makes me smile again.

Whatis also an immense relief is that you've stuck to this story, you've improved and developed it but it's still the same story. When the going gets tough at least I know it's still there, with you 'til the end c: I look forward to the rest of it no matter how long it takes <3





_Ranvier

1:21pm Mar 25 2010

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Posts: 1,731
LOL I'm so slow.
Anywho, thank you, both of you, and I've gone through and changed some things.
One of these things happened to be simplifying a lot of things, like you said, Raru.
I look through and see I sort of over did it...
 
If anyone else has reviews, please give them.
I'd write more in response to you guys but I forgot about this board and I'm lazy. |D




Reeses

4:45pm Mar 25 2010

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Posts: 6,216
I'm so bad at reviews, lol. xD I really love it though.  Makes me all sad about the relationship between him and his father. :C As far as I can tell, you're still a fabulous writer.  Hope you continue it. <3




Wat.
ಠ_ಠ
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