Last Wish


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Clouding

7:34pm Jul 9 2011

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Posts: 1,651

Chapter 1
"Could you be quiet for once?" Florence snarled at her ignorant brother, Ragnar. "It's not a good idea at all, so I'm objecting it." he growled. "Only because it could ruin your ambitions to kill." Florence retorted. "Silence. Both of you." Eclipse rasped, his old voice almost inaudible. "The plan is Florence is in charge as the alpha female." Ragnar spat with disgust. "Now, Ragnar...  your older but that-- one little mistake you made by killing a pup cost you this." Shine smirked. "Shut up!" Ragnar retorted, snapping at Shine's maw. "Hey!" Eclipse snapped, catching the two males by surprise. "Let me finish." Florence waited intently... "Ragnar has the right to ob
ject, but not give orders as soon as Florence is head female." Ragnar rolled his eyes. "Ragnar can be lead fighter." It was Florence's turn to spit in disgust. "Father, your kidding me! You know he is unhonorable!" Shine wagged his tail at Florence's opinion. "It's okay sister. I'll keep you safe and be very loyal to you." he smirked with sarcasm and trotted off. "Mother!" Elfa had been silent this whole time. "Hush darling. Follow me." Eclipse shook his head. "No Elfa." Florence looked at her mother pleadingly. "Yes Eclipse. She is old enough to know. Guard--" Eclipse lunged at Elfa's throat. "Mother!" Florence grabbed her father's forelimb and yanked him away. "Go Florence, to the cave!" Florence saw Shine darting towards the fight. Florence ran into the cave, seeing her brother's glinted eyes...full of betrayal.





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Clouding

7:46pm Jul 9 2011

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Posts: 1,651

Chapter 2
Florence trotted through the dim lighted tunnelish cave, following the path that she sensed was correct. "Where are you, little sister? Death is among you." A snarl echoed through the cave. Ragnar's voice. Oh no. If she ran, he'd hear and catch her. But if she went quietly, he might catch her as well. Florence darted through the tunnel, the pawsteps coming faster than ever. "Ragnar please!" she begged, whimpering as she neared the edge of a canyon. Veering around, Ragnar licked the blood off his maw, while his chest was dripping with blood. "Say goodbye little sister!" he jeered. "Say hi to Elfa!" Ragnar darted towards her, Florence's heart pounding, she dodged as Ragnar sailed over the canyon. "No..." she whined. "I only wanted you to get your karma, not this. I---" A black figure appeared infront of her, and then blackness overwhelmed her.
"Help me!" Florence whined. "Father, please!" she lowered her shoulders and paced around the small area she had to live in. "You betrayed us, killed your brother, and you killed your mother. Why should I?" Florence snarled, "You killed Elfa! I tried to save her! I didn't kill Ragnar, I dodged him at the canyon's edge! He killed himself. Are you saying that if I didn't dodge and sailed over the canyon, you'd want me to die?" Eclipse made no response. "You are going to have a chance at living. We will fight in a one to one battle. One will die and one will live."  Florence knew she had to, but she knew if there was another way out, she would. "Any other way?" she contradicted. "No! Face me or die now!" Florence spat at Eclipse. "You traitor of a father. Killing you could save everyone. Killing me would kill all." Eclipse snarled, then walked away.





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CH

4:12pm Jul 17 2011

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Posts: 7,283

I just want to point out one thing xD
Maybe, during dialoge, you press 'enter' so there is space?
Just because I got confused while reading. This is what I mean~...

 "Could you be quiet for once?" Florence snarled at her ignorant brother, Ragnar.

"It's not a good idea at all, so I'm objecting it." he growled.

"Only because it could ruin your ambitions to kill." Florence retorted.

"Silence. Both of you." Eclipse rasped, his old voice almost inaudible. "The plan is Florence is in charge as the alpha female." Ragnar spat with disgust.

See?
You don't have to, that was just a suggestion because as I was reading, I was like 'wait, who's talking'? Ya know? :P




Back from hiatus. Open to more roleplays!
Clouding

2:14pm Jul 22 2011

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Posts: 1,651
Oh, yes. I learnt about sorting the text out when the character speaks and never got into it. cx Well, I'll go edit it now.




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