Rescreatu - Virtual Pet Game

Forest of Stars


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Raru

7:50am Nov 18 2009 (last edited on 4:19pm Nov 24 2009)

Normal User


Posts: 583

This consumed my mind for a few days, itching to get out of my mind. Been writing this as I listened to one song over and over again. Might be a bit rough at the moment so I appreciate any feedback you have on this.
Oh and if you want to know how some of them look like, Ping's been drawing up designs for them.

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Forest of Stars

You find yourselves precisely in front of the Forest of Stars, little Eve. God knows why you are drawn to it, drawn to the chilling wind which bites your skin and soaks through your cloak. The crisp, dead crackle of you walking on dry leaves echoes through the forest, it is the only sound you can hear as the sun sinks deeper and deeper into the earth. Then all that accompanies your footsteps are the hisses and snarls of the night. You touch the blackened trees as if you believe them to be your guardian unknown, as if unaware of the fact they are all dead or dying, and run your fingers against the white marks from age old adventures.

Why are you not scared, little Eve?

You hum a song too old for humans to understand and I scream in fear for you when you walk up to the gallows of Libra. The corpse hung from the elder tree with nothing more than a thin strip of skin to hold it up. Its body mutilated and decayed to the point you can no longer distinguish its features. It lifted its lopsided head with a sickening crack, and from its slackened jaw it asked you, in its wheezing, hissing voice.

“Be ye saint or sin?”

You look so calm, I know not why, perhaps because you know it can do you no harm. For you knew its answer and gave it to it so easily, it allowed you to pas.s and you walk down the night consumed road. You can smell the cold, wild scent of the forest; earthy like all forests but not the same earth: strange, foreign and not from this world. It smells of mirages.

In the forest night, you can hear the thudding gallop of Sagittarius, the melancholy wail of Alphard, the low bray of Capricorn as it surfaces from the Lake. You can hear the twin howls of Sirius and Procyon, her voice hesitant and feeble compared to the mighty call of Sirius. Then you hear the thunder of their footsteps and you see the two dogs, as black as night but with eyes so bright, so white, in the dead and dying forest. Sirius stands with a proud, untamable wildness in his eyes and weak Procyon hides behind his mas.sive form, submissive and small.

You scrunitised the small one scornfully before you leap onto the back of Sirius, the great dog lifte his head and emitted another mighty howl before he runs through the forest. You ride the great beast as he chases the soaring fowls, chases the wind that carries them. You run, past the black trees of the forest, past the shimmering lake, up to the cliffs. Run and climb higher and higher; he is strong but you are stronger. You press him on with a force that he could not disobey and he keeps going and going until

                                                you are there.

You stand at the top of the peak of the ledge, the wind nipping even more fiercely at your skin. Sirius lowers you down and you slip off his back and look over the ledge. Over the forest wrapped in the murk of night. You see the prowling bears and the phoenix, old and blind with age. You see the Hydra who watches, with a trace of interest, at the mournful Alphard. The lake emits its elusive glow and everything is still but for the ripples that emerged on the surface. You see Procyon held in the grasp of Leo, who nuzzles and licks her gently. She does not relax; Leo then licks at her ear and opens his jaws. A sharp crack and she dies. But you smile; because you know she would be back tomorrow night. You see everything as it should be and you feel at eased.

Dawn comes.

You find yourself staring at the sky, at the night-shattering sun; too bright and glaring. Too mocking. You look at your feet, your eyes dull and emotionless, and at the dew-stained gras.s. The field is clear of trees and there is no lake in sight. The hisses and snarls are no more and now comes the sickening chorus of the songbirds. You take a step forward, slightly shaken, and start to walk slowly and reluctantly back home. You will come back tonight; it is there even if you cannot see it. You will come back again.

But why, little Eve?

 

 

 





 _Ranvier

10:59am Nov 18 2009

Normal User


Posts: 1,731

O_O

I love this.

It's so... I don't know.

The feel of it is just wonderful. Been a bit since I've started to read a piece and couldn't stop.

And I love how you encorperate all the astrological signs of different myths from there and such. I just love love love it. I think it makes not only for a good story, but it shows the information that you know about this place/the characters/those legends myths.

I would try and get you to keep writing, but this honesty sounds like a short story on its own. Like you don't need to go any farther.

What stood out to me first of all, however, was this.

dead crackle of you walking on dead leaves

I eat repitition for breakfast. XD Not really, but it always sticks out to me whenever I see it. My only say is change one of the 'dead's for word choice variation.

I didn't see anything else grammatical after that, maybe cause I was so captivated in reading, but I do know that this story didn't creep me out as you said before it. Or to be precise, Eve didn't scare me at all. Or come off as scary. :/ I'm not sure why, but.

There's my little say. I love your work, Raru. It's so wonderful, no matter how little. <3





Raru

4:04pm Nov 18 2009

Normal User


Posts: 583

Well you should be scared of her ;( She eats Uwibamis like you for breakfast.

And thank you, Uwi <3 It's been a very long time since I managed to do anything decent (and finished for that matter) so I'm quite happy that you found it good as well x3And thanks for pointing the repitition, I hate stuff like that too but my eyes, well you know how they are with old age ;(

The Forest of Stars is actually one of my favorite places I've created. I've been trying to do a more abstract world/story compared to what I usually do, but it's proving to be quite a challenge to write sometimes xD Hopefully I can churn out more things from this world. I'll get something out about Alphard after I finish another really important thing which I meant to finish weeks ago o3o

Thanks again, Uwi <3





Yoshi

6:57pm Nov 22 2009

Normal User


Posts: 3,642
This is quite awesome. O: I did notice a few run-ons and repetition, but the story itself caught me up so much that they really didn't distract me. As Uweh said, the feel of it is amazing.



Raru

7:13am Nov 23 2009

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Posts: 583
Thank you~ x3 I might extend it when I have the time. Because I feel like it o__o




Nessi

8:16am Nov 24 2009

Normal User


Posts: 123

I BE A SIN-*shot*

 I love you for creating this place. I want to go camping there. Forever. Even though its only security guard is a dead thing hanging by a piece of skin lolwhat. ;D

I told you this already, but I'll tell you again- fix your tenses, lady.

Otherwise it's very enjoyable. c:





click it.
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