Critique my writing?


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Elainie

5:35pm Jan 12 2011

Normal User


Posts: 200

Note:: I have not read over what I have written...so there may be tiny mistakes [spelling, grammar, etc], but still feel free to point it out. // Constructive criticism is great, but everyone needs a few compliments ;D

Here it is...:)

 

 

In a small and dark room there was a large round table surrounded by five small thrones for chairs. In each of the thrones sat a human being whose beauty could be surp*censored*ed by no other. The atmosphere in the room was tense; it appeared that any of the beings could have snapped in an instant. They were speaking in low tones; one would have to strain to hear and understand.

"We have to help her. She is what keeps this world together," spoke a man sitting right of the empty throne. He was rather muscular and tan, with flaming amber eyes. His head was bald, and he had slight red markings all over his body. His fists were clenched tightly on the table. "Without her, none of us have reason to exist." 

The man's fists were covered by a frail hand. It was the hand of a woman's, with slender fingers and gentle touch. Her eyes were large and dark, with long lashes and a thick brow to shape them. Fair hair flowed from her head. "You need to calm down, Niran. Our Goddess Suri will be all right without us. She is wise, and bears all of our gifts."

Niran, the muscular man, let an angry sigh escape his mouth before answering the woman. "You speak the truth, Kailani. If Suri was smart enough to place you by me, then surely she will hold up on her own while we find her." He paused, looking at each of the beings sitting around him. On the farther side of the table, sitting in the chair right of Kailani, sat a very tall woman. She was dark-skinned, with unruly hair the color of the earth, and deep green eyes. Her face was strong; she held the aura of a confident woman. Niran whispered the name Adamina in his head before his eyes went to the person sitting next to her. It was a male like him, but seemed to be complete opposites. Keanu was tall and slender. His hair was short and light. With ice-blue eyes and small features, Keanu was the gentle one of the group. His hands fidgeted around his face as he stared into the air above him, in another world. Niran grew angry. 

"Keanu! Are you not at all paying attention?" His hands clamped down again, anger flowing across his features. However, his enraged outburst did not faze the calm Keanu. His eyes flitted to Niran, then back to the heavens. 

"You misjudge my ability to multitask, God of Fire. While you were busy losing your temper with our current situation, I was thinking of a solution." 

Niran leaned back in his chair, feeling slightly ticked off that he had let Keanu override him. "Let us hear it then, God of the Wind." The statement came out as a mumble, but Keanu heard. He grinned, his attention now fully fixed on Niran.  




daniellelavine

7:39pm Jan 12 2011

Normal User


Posts: 51
wow its great are u gonna  make another  partt itts pretty goood plzz continue
Elainie

8:12pm Jan 13 2011

Normal User


Posts: 200
Thanks :) Yeah, I'm going to try to continue it. I just have a lack of muse//the piano has been entertaining me.



WolfieBelle

10:11pm Jan 13 2011

Normal User


Posts: 6,409
This is amazing. You could make a real book out of this. Please write more. I'd like to read more of this.



Love is all we need~

Elainie

5:30pm Jan 14 2011

Normal User


Posts: 200

Hahaha thank you ^.^ 

Can you tell who is the Goddess of Earth and the Goddess of Water? I already told the God of Fire and the God of Wind. 




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