{Thinking of a name......But can't find one!} :)


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unspoken

9:47am Dec 26 2009

Normal User


Posts: 97

 I was looking at the Warriors website and I got this awesome idea. It's like an idea I have a long time ago, that I wrote a story for, but it's different. Care to read?

 

CHAPTER 1 The sun sealed itself behind the dark, rumbling clouds. It didn’t dare to come out, as if afraid of the amount of bloodshed in the woods. The woods hid everything; concealing it away forever. During the fight, it began to rain. As if God was forlorn from the amount of killings. The soft wind picked up and died down, dragging the scent of blood downwind.

 

I looked up into the raining sky, escaping from the death. My mind wandered away from this horrible place; away from this Earth and into another world. Where violence and murder weren’t apart of everyday life. Where my father was. Where the sun shone all the time.

“Carter!” my mother growled my name. I snapped my head in her direction and she began trotting back to our camp.

I dropped my head and slowly followed her; the sound of my paws and the rain simultaneously pounding the soft mud.

The camp was empty. Everyone was already in their dens, curled up, human or wolf, and dreaming silently. I followed my sorrowful mother into the leader’s den; to report our loses.

Chaz sat slumped with his back to us, facing the wall of the den. His russet fur was matted in some places and sticking up in the other.

“Father, we are suffering many loses,” Chaz is my mother’s father, “And I have lost two of my own.” She hung her head as she said this.

“Carter?” From the way he said it, anyone could tell he despised me.

“No.” Mother, I was instructed to call her that, closed her eyes “We have lost Colton.”

Chaz nodded, not wanting to accept it. “Who else have we lost?”

Mother sighed. “Keera, Zar, Meeta, Nicor, and Kint.”

Chaz nodded as he heaved a sigh. “You said you’ve lost two.” He swung his m*censored*ive head towards her. “Who else?”

She bit her lip and shook her head, tears welled in her eyes.

“Who?” Chaz sternly demanded.

Her lip shook. “Storm.”

Chaz clenched his jaws together. Storm was my mother’s beloved brother. They were twins and they were severely close. He slightly nodded. “Elli, Carter.”

Mother and I dipped our heads and we exited.

“Sweetie, tend to your wound.” As she said that, my leg throbbed, as if reminding me of hole in it.

Kora sat outside of the den. She was in human form; her black hair flowed down her back and her pale skin faintly glowed, from the setting sun. Her eyes were closed and she was in a meditating state; legs curled on top of each other and hands lightly hovering above them.

I smiled as I remember the stories of her from when I was a little kid. Everyone said she was magical and immortal. She was immortal. But she wouldn’t say if she was magical or not. As I approached her, her eyes slowly opened. Behind long lashes, her eyes were bright blue. Kora smiled and untwisted herself.

“What do we have here?” she murmured.

“Gash.” I barked “On my leg.”

“Mmm.” She walked into the den, singing to herself, and I followed her.

 

The walls were covered with shelves. On these shelves were pots and jars. Some held piles of herbs and spices and some held flowers. By the wall, snuggled between two huge flat boulders, was a big pot. On the other side of the den, were nests, for the sick or wounded. An elder of our pack, Flower, laid sleeping on one of the nests. She was much smaller than the rest of us.

“Will it be easier if I turned human?” I murmured.

“No. Then the cut could be smaller, or in a new place.” She stole some herbs from a shelf and turned to me. “Could you lay down?”

I did as I was told, spreading my wounded leg out. Kora dabbed the herbs on the cut, softly singing to herself.

“Do you like being a werewolf, Kora?”

My question caught her off guard. She stopped working and looked at me. She turned back and murmured, “What makes you ask that?”

“I just see you human all the time. Even running errands. I never see you in wolf form.”

“Oh.” she sighed.

“Do you like it?”

“Sometimes. But being in wolf form limits my work. Wolves have paws, humans have hands.”

I nodded and looked at the sleeping Flower across the den.

Kora put a wrap around my leg and sent me off. I slowly walked to my den. Entering it, my eyelids began to droop. It was then that I realized it was much later than I thought. I dropped onto my bed and closed my eyes, ready for a night of dreams.

 

unspoken

6:37pm Dec 28 2009

Normal User


Posts: 97
Bumpp
CheezyNinja

7:02pm Dec 28 2009

Normal User


Posts: 314

It's nice, although it needs more explanation and punctuation in places. When it said "Everyone was already in their dens, human or wolf" it's a bit muddling.

"Father, we are suffering many losses, and I have lost two of my own." Chaz is my mother's father; she hung her head as she said this, might sound better and more flowing rather than what you had.

The conversation itself is a bit confusing too. You might want to look it over, make it sound more put together and easier to understand. Other than that, it's pretty good. Eager for the next chapter! 




Call me Cheezy and only Cheezy, I don't go by Ninja. Buddies, call me whatever your name for me is. Amazing banner by Reeses!
unspoken

10:56am Dec 29 2009

Normal User


Posts: 97

Thanks. :)

It's not finished yet but here's More:

CHAPTER 2 I kept running and running. Thick branches with thorns scraped me as I ran through them. As I thought what was chasing me, me legs pumped faster; my paws thumped against the hard ground more violently. Nearing the creek, I jerked to a halt. In the ferns and weeds, just a couple feet from the creek, was s m*censored*ive black wolf. His maroon eyes were narrowed and his head was dipped. He found me. He suddenly sprung at me.

I jerked up from my nest and looked around. I wasn’t in the forest, I was in my den. Picking my self up, I trotted out into the clearing.

“Carter!” Chaz shouted from the mouth of his den.

My shoulders slumped as I turned to look at him. He nodded for me to come; I slowly walked towards him.

“Faster!” he snapped; I quickened my pace. “Now, then. I need you to get a few others and hunt. Don’t go too far. We don’t know what lurks farther out there.”

I rolled my eyes and nodded. With a sharp glare from Chaz, I turned around and trotted into the warrior den.

“Kale.” I hissed his name. Kale had been my friend before I was a werewolf. He, too, soon turned into a werewolf short after me.

He lifted his black head up to glare at me. “What? I was having a good dream.”

“Was it about Sarah?” I rolled my eyes; Sarah was his old girlfriend before he turned. He lost her to this because Chaz stole him from the streets and brought him here.

“No.” He avoided my gaze.

“Liar.”

“Why did you wake me?” he switched the subject, gladly.

“Because we need more food. Chaz said to get a few people and go hunt.”

“Now when you say ’people’. . .” he trailed off. He was always so brainless. I always want to know what goes on inside his little head.

“I mean, as wolves, stupid.” I sat down.

He grunted as he lifted himself up. “Who else are we taking?”

Shrugging, I said, “Luke?”

Kale snorted.

“He’s a great hunter.”

“Remember? He doesn’t like us.” Kale smiled.

I grunted, turned around and trotted out into the clearing. I sprinted across to Luke’s den.

“What?” He hissed from inside.

“I need to get a few people to hunt. Will you come?”

He was quiet for a few seconds. “Fine.”

I backed out from the mouth of the den and sat down. Luke came out. His fur was brown but his paws were black, as if he stepped in black paint. His blue eyes were expressionless. I’ve always wondered what he looks like in human form. But he won’t show me.

“Let’s go.” he murmured, catching my stare. I nodded.

As we walked out of the camp, I stopped and shouted, “Kale!”

He jumped, turned away from who he was talking to and raced after us.

The forest was dim. Rain soaked through the trees and poured onto us. The scent of elk wafted towards us. None of us dared to make a sound. The elk pranced around from bush to bush. As I thought of finally eating the elk, my fur bristled slightly. Luke looked at me and nodded. I quietly stalked forward, crouching low. I looked up out of the bush I was under and saw a bull elk. I looked frantically at Luke for a way to get it. He looked back at me; lifting his arm out far, the snapped it back with his paw in front of his face.

I nodded and looked back at the elk. I did exactly as he showed me, with all my strength. The elk bellowed out in pain and shook its head, it’s nose scrunching up. I jumped out from the bush and I swiped at its side again. I lunged at its neck; but missed. I took a few steps back. Just then, I noticed a brown figure behind the bull jump onto the bull’s back. Luke bite deep into its neck. The bull fell to the ground.

I looked up at Luke; a smile was on his usual non-smile face. I felt a smile tug at my lips. I grabbed an antler and tugged started dragging it. Luke took the other one and we pulled it back to camp.

When we arrived back at camp and everyone was in the clearing. Chaz had a straight face while my mother, right next to him, had a huge grin on her face from the luggage Luke and I were pulling.

We set underneath the willow tree that half hung over the clearing. Chaz shoved through the crowd. He tore of a chunk of the head and retreated to his den. Luke tore off a chunk of the leg, as did I, and backed out of the crowd.

luvsarahdessen97

4:52pm Jan 3 2010

Normal User


Posts: 192

hi, you commented on my story so i decided to comment on yours. You're very very talented. I usually don't go for stories like this (you can tell from mine), but somehow you're writing caught my eye. That must mean you're good. Keep up the good work!

unspoken

8:08am Jan 18 2010

Normal User


Posts: 97
-faints- Thanks! I didn't know it was that good!
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