Bump in the Night


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LaCortoriReturn

2:00pm Nov 17 2012

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Posts: 1,652
|[ I'm having a hard time with this post. Sorry if I take a few hours longer than I should, guys. ._. ]|
PerfectlyFlawed

12:14am Nov 18 2012 (last edited on 12:14am Nov 18 2012)

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Posts: 185
"Then I'll be expecting you sometime around eight." Ivan replied as  he stopped in mid step to turn and look at Conner. His blue eyes met Conner's for only a second before he turned and moved away. Silently he walked over to the nook where he'd hidden his skateboard. quickly he grabbed the board and set it at his feet. "I'll see you then..." Ivan muttered to himself before turning and looking at Conner one last time that night. "If you follow the dock to the end, head up the first street that connects at the end of the dock for five blocks. It will take you to a large culdesack (sorry, I'm not sure how to spell it). My house is the one in the very center. The only blue painted one in the area." He said to the demon before getting on the board and heading off in the direction of his house.
As he road away he shook his head slightly. Several things rushed through his head. When he could focus on one of them, several more ideas and notions shot up, breaking his concentration.

((I really can't do anything with any of my others.... so if you need any of them, let me know and I'll gladly bring them in.))
SpiritDragon

12:34am Nov 18 2012

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Posts: 4,873
}Tiger, Sorry I haven't posted my Bio, I'll post latter in the day...{


I\'m The Slenderman\'s wifey <3 Batman\'s our kid <33
UniqueSoul

8:41pm Nov 19 2012 (last edited on 8:43pm Nov 19 2012)

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Posts: 827
[[Hey guys! I had Mikkio draw Petie for me! So now I have a reference of what she looks like. tle="" target="_blank">Here however, she has redder hair]]
LaCortoriReturn

9:31pm Nov 19 2012 (last edited on 9:16pm Dec 12 2012)

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Posts: 1,652
Ket winced in pain and flinched away from the girl's touch, voices in his head hissing in fury. 

Kill the girl.
No, kill them all.
Kill. Kill. Kill!

...but...Forra...

YES! Yes Ket, save the girl!
Save. Save. Save!
They can't be trusted.
None of them.
You have to save her.
You can run away, Ket, you can find help for her.
KILL THEM!

He felt fingers creep across his skin, pulling at him this way and that. A pure feeling of torment crushed him from all sides, and a cold swept over him with deadly severity. He strained to open his eyes, to see through the swelling darkness. The girl was still talking to him, but even as he fought to do so he couldn't hear a single word.

Don't fight us, Ket. We can do this together.
It's alright Ket, we're here.
We're here.
We're here.

The darkness burned away more of him, more than his sight; his will. They were clawing at him, ripping away the flesh and bone of his being.

But he fought against the pull, even as the voices tempted him to let go and do as they bid. He sat in frozen silence, the fury of the battle raging within his eyes. He begged the gods that someone would see that he was loosing. His fingers twitched, his nails digging into his own skin in both desperation and agony.

He felt like he was being burned alive; the crackling, cruel flames licking at him from every direction. Then there were teeth, like those of wild beasts, burying themselves within his body. And the cold. Through it all, the cold was the most horrifying. Like a void, there was nothing but black and the immeasurable, unstoppable, raw emptiness. Blood-red tears gathered in the corners of his eyes.

He was clinging to the ledge, and he was slipping. 

What a shame.

With one final, audible "SNAP!" of something within his pale body, Ket fell.


A hideous, demented laugh burst from his pallid lips, and in a disembodied, puppet-like movement his head snapped to the side. His black eyes locked lifelessly on the hand that rested on his arm, and a horrible, demonic grin spread across his face.


___________________________

|[ My post for Conner will come soon. Aiden, I'll send you a copy of the words above in a more readable text; sorry about that. ]|
LaCortoriReturn

6:08pm Nov 20 2012 (last edited on 6:09pm Nov 20 2012)

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Posts: 1,652
|[ I figure it's easier to just post a new reply than to edit and waste an alert on saying such. ]|

Conner nodded at Ivan, and watched in silence as the boy gathered up his skateboard and started away. Then before he thought otherwise, he called after, "Good night!"

 After even the pitiful amount of contact with another, Conner found himself with a lingering feeling of emptiness. It was as if he were left with less than he had started with in the means of companionship, and the feeling left him almost sick. The bitter bias towards others that had marred him so had smoldered away to nothing. He watched as Ivan drew further and further into the night, then when he couldn't stand to watch any longer he turned back to the woods. 

He started off at a calculated walk, but as soon as he was within the depths of the trees he broke into a sprint. His movements unveiled a natural power in every stride, and yet if nothing else his race was graceful and lithe. He was a streak of motion through the depths of the descending light, and never did he miss a step or disturb the immense being that was the wood. Soon he felt he was vastly beyond the span of prying eyes, and only then did he truly pour out the extent of his speed. He found himself flying effortlessly through the fallen logs and new-nursed growth, leaving behind all civilization. 

He let out a comfortable sigh, the burn of his muscles welcomed as an old friend. Out here he was free to push himself to the limits, and to flex his every ability in ways he would never allow himself otherwise. He was well aware of the creatures that resided within this forest, but he was not afraid. As he ran his focus momentarily shifted, then the demon disappeared in a cloud of black smoke and a concussive ripple of energy.

|[ Conner is nocturnal for the most part, and is constantly on the move. He spends most of his nights in a constant Jump from one place to the next, and hasn't yet encountered a beast out here that he would bring himself to fear. He believes that he can evade anything that comes for him regardless- be that purely arrogant or stupid of him.

And guys, a question; do you find my writing style hard to read at all? I'm not looking for biased answers by the way, I just want to know if there is a part of my writing that I might be able to expand on or improve. I figure my RPing buddies would know my style best. 
So...anything you can point out for me? ]|
UniqueSoul

9:55pm Nov 28 2012

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Posts: 827
[[Bump^^

And LaCortori, I don't find the way you write hard to read at all. I am not trying to be biased in my opinion, but I find your writing really easy to imagine, if that makes any sense. I feel like you don't put a lot of needless deion in your posts (like I do a lot of times Dx) so it is really easy to visualize the situation and imagine the point you are getting at. I also think you convey your characters really well and keep them constantly... consistent (for a lack of a better word).

I really don't see anything wrong with your writing. I actually fell in love with your writing when you posted your intro. But if it was harsh criticism you were looking for, I am sure I can find something in these 22 pages xD]]
PerfectlyFlawed

4:02am Nov 29 2012

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Posts: 185
((I honestly can't find anything wrong with your writing... much like UniqueSoul said; with the way you write it is easy to not only understand what your saying but it is easy to imagin it all as well. You don't use a lot of words that people will read and be like "What the heck is that word?!?" or "What exactly does that mean?" And I think that is an important thing when writing.... it's not to show off a vast vocabulary {that said; showing a knowledge of less common words is not a bad thing} but to use words and phrases and such that another person will understand and or relate to.))

Ivan turned in a small circled. He smiled, waved, yelled a good night back and started off again. He didn't want to leave... the smile was forced... but from the distance, no one, not even someone with supernatural eyes, could have seen it that wall. He rode the rest of the way home in silence. Ivan didn't even bother stopping to put his headphones in his ears to hear the music stored on the MP3 player in his coat pocket. Once he arrived inside he quickly headed up to his room to put his things way. Once finished he grabbed a pair of plaid pajama pants, a black t-shirt, boxers and a pair of socks before heading to the bathroom to shower after being out all day.
Thoughts of the day's events passed though his mind... almost obsessively. He shook his head once or twice to try and quiet his ever blabbering mind... but to no avail. After clearing his body of the soapy suds he turned off the water, dried himself and proceeded to get dressed before combing his hair and heading back to his room.
As he lied on his bed his stomach growled loudly.... but he could not will himself to head back to the kitchen to make himself something to eat. His stomach was in knots and seemingly flip-flopping every which way. With a heavy sigh he closed his eye and attempted to get some rest.

((I'm at a total blank on how to have Saika run into Conner... so for now it's just Ivan's last post for the rp's night.))
LaCortoriReturn

9:13pm Dec 12 2012 (last edited on 9:14pm Dec 12 2012)

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Posts: 1,652
|[ Thanks guys <3 It would be great if you could find something, Unique, I'd be incredibly grateful. 

Also just a bump for the thread. :3 ]|
UniqueSoul

10:01pm Dec 18 2012

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Posts: 827
[[Bump!
I hope this doesn't die, though its been inactive for quite a while...
Anyone hear from Tiger?
And I will look for your flaws later LaCortori, I am really lazy right now xD]]
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