The Mysteries of My Life.


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shadowrider

8:59pm Dec 11 2009 (last edited on 3:13pm Jan 7 2010)

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A little story im working on. ((I will update as I get more done)) feel free to post what you think...please don't be too harsh im kinda new at this. I know my puncuating is terrible but that's not what im looking for. Just for the story please.

~~~~~~~

The Mysteries of my life.

Chapter 1:

The cave walls oozed with the wet dew of the midnight rain. It smelled like my yard in the morning, fresh with spring rain. Except the must stench mixed with it was almost unbearable. It weighted me down the air thick and heavy like steam almost. Outside lightning crashed and thunder banged. The rain poured hard, if I stepped out of the shelter of these rocky walls the rain felt like stones crashing down upon my head and my skin. It was pouring down so hard and so fast like a constant waterfall of wetness. It was too dangerous. I was soaked from having to go out to hunt for food every once in a while. It was better if I got alot at one time so I wouldn't have to go out there for a while. My black hair was slicked to my forehead, and clung around my neck and all the way down to the mid of my back. My shirt was drying over a make shift fire on a stick. I kept my jeans on for fear of freezing to death. My arms were numb and my ears were red with cold. My lips were chapped from licking them to wet them so much. My ribs showed through my skin and I looked anorexic from lack of food. My hair was so terrible from all the days I had spent in the wilderness. I had seen rescue people searching for me with my parents. I would have been so glad to run out and hug my weeping parents and feel their warm embraces. Sadly I couldn't. Being in the wilderness for so long had made me...unsociable. I couldn't return. I just couldn't. Even if I had showed my self, they wouldn't reconize me. I looked and acted so different. I was independent now. I could trust no one. I was alone. On my own.

 

Chapter 2:

 

It happened almost a month ago. My parents and I had a huge fight. They worked all day and were only home at night and when we were home I got constantly yelled at.

I was sick of it couldn't take anymore.

I had a best friend her name was Kelly, I tried to ask her for help but as soon as I told her my problem she changed the subject and totally ignored me.

I'm always ignored.

So unloved.

Hated.

So now here I rot in this cave alone.

I don't want attention.

I ran away to be alone, to stop the verbal abuse my parents gave me each night. I hated school, so many people made fun of me, just because i'm different. Not like them. Not popular. A loner.

Everyone hates me.

My mom is half indian so im only a quarter but I look it greatly. My hair is wavy and black and my face has the lines and sharp edges of a cherokee indian. I'm so proud of my heritage but daily everyone is so racist to me for it. So many people hate native americans. We lost our lands to the americans so many years ago. I don't hate America. I live in Michigan. I just don't see it as fair...

Chapter 3:

The cold was getting to me. I walked over to my fire and pulled the shirt off the stick. It was dry enough and pretty warm. I slipped it on and sighed with the warmth from it. I was so glad the shirt was long sleeved. I grabbed the hoodie over the other fire with the soft fuzz on the inside and zipped it up halfway. I hugged my arms to my self breathing a frosty breath. The rain had finally slowed. It had been raining for three days straight nonstop. I hoped it would eventually stop. I wandered aimlessly outside walking through the slush covered forest. It was almost winter and snow covered the ground mixed with the water creating a nasty ground for walking. I saw a first aid kit and some packets of food laying in the middle of a clearing. Then I saw a rope hidden by leaves around it. What was I a bear? Now they were trying to get me with traps? They must know I didn't want to come home. I felt so insane for staying out here where I could easily be eaten or die from hunger or cold or so many other things. I exhaled another frosty breath the evaporation sailing quickly away into the sky. My hair got soaked quickly even in the lightening rain. I hear thunder and jumped still not used to the lound ringing of echoes the loug bangs and crashed the sounds produced. Far enough away I could see the sun rising. I didn't know i'd stayed up all night. No wonder my body and mind felt so worn and torn. I staggered back to my cave and collapsed on my pile of leaves I used as a makeshift bed. I closed my eyes but sleep would not come. I tossed and turned restlessly. Images haunted me beneath my eyelids. I curled up into a ball pressing my knees into my cheast and hugging them tightly. I finally drifted into a light and fitfull sleep before relaxing into a deep slumber.

I awoke to the sound of footsteps.

I woke startled and sat up in my bed. I walked to the front of the cave peeking carefully out making sure not to be seen. It looked like more people looking for me. Couldn't they just give up already? Nobody cared about her anyway. My parents probably hoped she be dead deep in their hearts. I cried. I wept. Oh, I had cried so much during this last month or so. It was hard to keep track of time without any sort of clock. The sun set and sun rise was my only sense of time. I only knew when it was morning noon and evening. It was very terrible and hard to live by. My stomach rumbled loudly. I groaned and clutched my stomach. I headed out of the cave going to look for berries.

Chapter 4:

. I sighed and inwardly rolled my eyes again before a shadowy figure jumped out of the trees and tackled me carrying a large knife.

****

When I awoke, my head was pounding terribly. I saw my arms were covered in what looked like Ace bandages with random red spots here and there. I knew my attacked had probably cut up my arms then banged my head with his knife or something of that sort. I stood up and shook my head lifting my arms that felt like weighted lead feebly. The pain in my arms and head were almost unbearable. I saw my supplies i'd dropped in a bush and walked over taking the first aid kit out carefully. I opened the latch and threw the lid open hoping for asprin.

I gasped in shock.

The ace bandages were gone from my kit.




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NightmareDream

9:24pm Dec 11 2009

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I love it so far. <3




shadowrider

12:28am Dec 12 2009

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Thanks ^_^



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shadowrider

12:29am Dec 12 2009

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Chapter 3 posted.



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shadowrider

7:40am Dec 12 2009

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Chapter 4 posted.



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shadowrider

7:40pm Dec 12 2009

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Bump.



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shadowrider

5:51pm Dec 13 2009

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Bump.



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shadowrider

3:11pm Dec 15 2009

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Im trying to figure out how to make chapter 5. Any ideas?



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shadowrider

3:47pm Dec 17 2009

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Bump..



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shadowrider

3:03pm Dec 18 2009

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=.=



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shadowrider

10:27am Dec 22 2009

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*wallows in self pity*



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shadowrider

1:37am Dec 29 2009

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Should I just scrap this? e.e



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Raru

6:47am Dec 29 2009 (last edited on 6:50am Dec 29 2009)

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Well firstly, you need more depth in your chapters. These seem to be about a paragraph long and I doubt that's enough. You can just combine this all into one great big chapter really.

I could critique a lot more but eh, I tend to be a bit...blunt? xD And you did point out that you don't want really harsh reviews.

Plan it more thoroughly before you think of scrapping it. Just because it lacks reviews does not necessarily mean no one likes it. It's just that people like wolves and vampires better. Write for yourself, not others. I had tons of stories that never recieved reviews but I always continue them xD Only if they don't work.

 





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