The intro to my book. I need help with it.


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Corvus

12:58pm Sep 18 2010 (last edited on 8:34pm Sep 23 2010)

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Posts: 1,248

It only took moments for the world to come to an end. Or so they thought. About a hundred years after a near fatle cataclism, the world became stable enough for animals,humans and other creatures to return to the surface. The ones who survived were decendents of scientists, scholors, teachers, artists, musicians... and vampires. By now humans knew about our existance but they also knew we wouldn't harm them. We didn't drink human blood anymore instead we drank the blood of animals. But how long would the peace last.

As time went on humans forgot about us once again and we continued to drink the blood of animals. But one day something terrible happened. A vampire by the name of Kir Makar rose among the vampires and began to drink the blood of humans. He also dared to call himself the king of the pure blooded vampires. The only blood line of vampires to have continued drinking human blood during the time of the end. He soon declared war against our queen, Queen Phaeda Haliber the third.

The queen did not want war, for fear of being discovered by the humans once again. She sent a messenger to his home in Fay Valley, only to be killed the moment he entered his territory. Phaeda was furious when she discovered the murder of her messenger. Consumed by anger Phaeda gathered her army and attacked Kir. The valley was soon destroyed, Kir along with it. His wife Sora Makar escaped, not knowing that she was pregnant.

Even though the vampires were discovered, a man by the name of Mathew Dazzer saved both humans and vampires from war. They now live in peace and as time went on other creatures came out from hiding. Turns out the most intelligent doctors and scientists were actually elves. Dragons, hippogriffs, griffons and other mythical creatures became normal sights. Humans, elves and vampires being some of the most intelligent life on earth now even go to school together. This now brings us to the present time.

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A villager was near by when the battle comenced, he watched. The man was shocked to see vampires and some kind of beasts fighting. One of the beasts let loose a jet of fire at a small group of vampires, burning them to a crisp. In the middle of the battle the man got out his camera and took pictures. When the man was done taking pictures he slid back into the forest hoping he wouldn't be seen by a vampire but failed. Half way to the village he was spotted, and shot in the back with an arrow. Even though he was in a great deal of pain and with the vampire on his tail he ran to the village as fast as he could.

By the time he got back to the village he was covered from head to toe in scrathches,blood and sweat. Terrified the man ran towards not his home, for fear his family would be killed but to Town Hall. He thrusted the doors open, everyone inside looked. "Help"! The man yelled before he collapsed. A tall brod man by the name of Edgar ran over to the mans side, and asked him what had happened. All the man could do was ask him to watch his family and hand him his camera before he lost consciousness from fear and loss of blood. 

The discovory of the vampires caused an uproar in the human world. Some thought they should take up arms and try to destroy the vampires. But luckily a man by the name of Mathew Dazzer had the idea of talking with the vampires and hopefully make peace. Mathew and a few other high ranking humans came to Vandreek City the vampire capital, and spoke with the queen. Queen Phaeda was glad to hear they did not want a war but peace, she gladly accepted. The treaty said that humans, vampires and other mythical creatures would live in peace,

------

But ya this is where i'm stuck at. The laws and stuff. but what do u guys think about it? Also if u copy this punishment awaits whoever does. This is acctualy the first time i've ever started to write something that i wanted to do. oh and when i am done with the intro which is this i'm going to turn it into an rp so i can get ideas and stuff.






Puptea

9:26pm Sep 19 2010

Normal User


Posts: 90
tigerfrost u should make the unborn child evil by starters he starts out as a mitical creature hunter for humans than once he had the trust of humans he should kill the queen and banish the next air but she gets away and its up to here and her shapshifter pet to save peace beteewn them



Art Account: Puptea; Plush account: PlushRescue
Corvus

9:32pm Sep 19 2010

Normal User


Posts: 1,248
duke it's a nice thought, except this is like 100's of years in the past from when the actual story takes place. But pretty much Sora doesn't tell her child who it's father is. i havent decided if the child will be a girl or boy.





Puptea

3:22pm Sep 20 2010

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Posts: 90
boy



Art Account: Puptea; Plush account: PlushRescue
Corvus

7:56pm Sep 20 2010

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Posts: 1,248
well duke i dont really think it matters. cause, well its knida funny i thought of this today at school. it's a history report for my main charecter. so when she's done saying what her history report says the book is going to start.





vhdcat24

9:39pm Sep 20 2010

Normal User


Posts: 65

It only took moments for the world to come to an end. Or so they thought. About a hundred years after a near fatal cataclysm, the world became stable enough for animals,humans and other creatures to return to the surface. The ones who survived were decedents of scientists, scholars, teachers, artists, musicians... and vampires. By now humans knew about our existence but they also knew we wouldn't harm them. We didn't drink human blood anymore instead we drank the blood of animals. But how long would the peace last.

As time went on humans forgot about us once again and we continued to drink the blood of animals. But one day something terrible happened. A vampire by the name of Kir Makar rose among the vampires and began to drink the blood of humans. He also dared to call himself the king of the pure blooded vampires. The only blood line of vampires to have continued drinking human blood during the time of the end. He soon declared war against our queen, Queen Phaeda Haliber the third.

The queen did not want war, for fear of being discovered by the humans once again. She sent a messenger to his home in Fay Valley, only to be killed the moment he entered his territory. Phaeda was furious when she discovered the murder of her messenger. Consumed by anger Phaeda gathered her army and attacked Kir. The valley was soon destroyed, Kir along with it. His wife Sora Makar escaped, not knowing that she was pregnant.

A villager was near by when the battle commenced, he watched. The man was shocked to see vampires and some kind of beasts fighting. One of the beasts let loose a jet of fire at a small group of vampires, burning them to a crisp. In the middle of the battle the man got out his camera and took pictures. When the man was done taking pictures he slid back into the forest hoping he wouldn't be seen by a vampire but failed. Half way to the village he was spotted, and shot in the back with an arrow. Even though he was in a great deal of pain and with the vampire on his tail he ran to the village as fast as he could.

By the time he got back to the village he was covered from head to toe in scratches,blood and sweat. Terrified the man ran towards not his home, for fear his family would be killed but to Town Hall. He thrust the doors open, everyone inside looked. "Help"! The man yelled before he collapsed. A tall broad man by the name of Edgar ran over to the mans side, and asked him what had happened. All the man could do was ask him to watch his family and hand him his camera before he lost consciousness from fear and loss of blood. 

The discovery of the vampires caused an uproar in the human world. Some thought they should take up arms and try to destroy the vampires. But luckily a man by the name of Mathew Dazzer had the idea of talking with the vampires and hopefully make peace. Mathew and a few other high ranking humans came to Vandreek City the vampire capital, and spoke with the queen. Queen Phaeda was glad to hear they did not want a war but peace, she gladly accepted. The treaty said that humans, vampires and other mythical creatures would live in peace,

 

======================

Fixed the spelling and typoes. I did not mess with the punctuation as I don't always get that right myself. Looks good otherwise keep going.  

take care, 

sincerely,

vhdcat24




Aliit ori'shya tal'din. (Family is more than blood(lines). )

Friends, Family, are the best treasures!

I have an order for one of these Creatu: blonde Mirabilis

Corvus

8:53am Sep 21 2010

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Posts: 1,248
thank u vhdcat24





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