The egg (first story I ever did)


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pastrel

5:11pm Jun 10 2013 (last edited on 8:19pm Jun 10 2013)

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Today I decided to go to explore a city called Aquati. When I was exploring I found an egg.... It was pink and kind of looked like a pearl. I picked it up and carried it my hands. Someone passed by me and started staring at the egg. " Wow is that a drakua egg? I always wanted one they are rare!" I responded back by just staring at him for just interfering into my own business. When I arrived home I put it into the incubator. 49 minutes later it hatched! Out came a animal looking like a seahorse mixed with a dragon. I as surprised and brought it to town with me. Tons of people wanted to buy it but I said I'm not selling it. All of a sudden it ran off my shoulder and was gone! I was totally shocked! Guess I will have better luck next time.
pastrel

5:36pm Jun 10 2013

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Posts: 3
Please rate it 1-10 be honest 
catz911

10:56pm Jun 10 2013

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Posts: 193
6
You had some misspellings that could easily be fixed with a proofread of the story. Also, Atquati is a planet, not just a single city. Just to tell you, every new speaker gets a new paragraph. In stories, paragraphs can be really short. 

"For example," said Joe. "This is how you speak!"

"Yessss," hissed his creatu. "It issss."



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