Stories <3


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Yasha

11:13pm Sep 17 2010

Normal User


Posts: 2,842

This is called, "Dream in Reality"

 

“Sarah! Sarah wake up!” yelled a short and rather hyperactive young woman named Cienna, “Sarah Wilson get your tiny butt out of bed! You’re going to be late for the recording session and photo shoot!” Sarah grumbled and pulled her white duvet off her and shivered once, the heat supplied by the blanket gone.

            “I’m up, I’m up” Sarah groaned as she stumbled towards her closet, picking out a simple outfit, knowing she’d be changing at the photo shoot. Her new album, “Seven Degrees” was being recorded today, as well as the picture for the cover. The seventeen year old, changed and headed out the door following her publicist.

            Getting into the limo, Sarah slammed the door, maybe a little too hard,

“What’s up hon?” asked the girl with the pixie like features. Sarah just shook her head and pulled her sungl*censored*es down unto her face. She stared out the window until they arrived at the recording studio.

            A few hours later, still excited for the photo shoot, Sarah and Cienna walked into yet another studio. Here Sarah changed into a buffalo plaid button up shirt, and tight gray skinny jeans with rips and knee high stiletto boots. She picked up her guitar and posed numerous times. After the shoot she went home, slept for an hour before going to her concert.

            At the concert, fans screamed her name as she came out on stage, and began to sing. This was the best part of her job, being in front of thousands of people who loved her, and truly, she loved them all too. During her song “Love You Like That” she held the microphone out to the audience and called someone up on stage, a girl, Chelan Victoire, she’d heard to be very vocally talented and said,

“Want to sing with me?” The girl nodded excitedly and they sang a verse from her number one song, “Want to Be My Love” before she hugged Chelan and the she went back into the crowd. Continuing on she received more cheers, performed her encore and left to go home where she fell into a deep slumber

            When she woke up she shook out her wild curly hair and said,

“What a dream” and she started getting ready for school. Once she arrived at the gates of Fernbrook Collegiate, she met up with her two best friends, Cienna and Chelan. They went through the normal school day with choir after. Cienna stayed to watch the practice and Chelan and Sarah sang.  Their teacher introduced someone, a very important man, she said, his name was Kierland Whissox, and he was a music producer, he produced record labels and introduced many artists into the world of Hollywood. When they were done signing he asked Sara, away from her friends,

”Have you ever thought about being a star?” Sarah shook her head yes excitedly and ran to tell her friends.

 

 




Detneth106

2:02pm Sep 18 2010

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Posts: 9,641
Cute ^o^




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Mars

2:08pm Sep 18 2010 (last edited on 2:09pm Sep 18 2010)

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Posts: 969

If you're taking constructive criticism,

It seems a little...straightforward. Yes, stories should be somewhat straightforward, but not as a whole. Perhaps adding detail and thoughtshots/snapshots would make it more exciting. And I would revise the grammar a bit, it feels like what you say is on the page in a matter of seconds with little revision.

Also, I did read the last paragraph first, and it ended very...abruptly. If a man was to really come up to you [and I'm not saying this Sarah character is of you, whether she is or isn't isn't my guess] and ask, "Have you ever thought about being a star?" would you just nod and run, or would you converse with the man? Try to make interaction in your story as real as possible; for any genre, at that.

But this is nice work, it has great potential, and it was a cute story. ^^ Keep writing!

Edit You may also want to take a second look at your syntax. Some of it is poetic, while in other spots it's typical American English syntax.






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