Poetry.


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Firoia

12:09am Dec 10 2010 (last edited on 1:09am Dec 10 2010)

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Posts: 149

I've been really depressed lately. Wondering why I bother with things like love and friendship when sometimes...all that happens is that they forget I was there or they end up back in the same situation. Something interesting happens when I write. Things come out of my head that I didn't know were there. When I wrote this poem, I didn't know how it would end. But now that I have written and read it, I understand myself a bit better. Maybe you will, too.. Comments and critiques are welcome.

 

~Why...~

Why bother having a heart to feel
when it is marked with naught but the p*censored*ing heels
of people and souls you lay before,
a bridge in the storm,
when your body is broken and bleeding and torn?

When the blood that beats within your veins
is spilled for their sake, for nothing, in vain?

When the smile you wear as a comforting thing
is dull and tarnished like an old br*censored* ring?

Why bother to offer a word or care
when all they will do is stare and glare
and turn from you when the storm breaks
and they no longer need you there?

When you are a husk, a doll, a shell,
living on in this lonelier Hell,
where your existence is based upon their need
and that desire is nothing but an old dead seed?

When love no longer sprouts or glows
and everyone who sees you p*censored*es and knows
that this old and beaten and worn down stone
will never find a single heart to call home?

Why bother to see or feel or know
when all that will happen will be buried in snow
and their hearts will once again beat cold
and the rain will fall and the pain will grow bold
and sharp as a raven's claw?

This husk, this stone, this claw, this shell,
though worn and broken and cracked like a bell
whose casters were flawed and could not see
that the first strike would be the last
and the ringing would cease to be,
sits and waits and pines and hopes..

That a lasting smile it may some day bring,
like the shine of a newly polished gold and diamond ring.




I love you Omena. <3
"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." -- Doug Larson
SerenityMist

6:16am Dec 10 2010

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Posts: 312

wow that is amazing! You are a really good writer.

I felt like that a couple of months ago.

The only thing.. I don't really understand this bit: 

 

"when it is marked with naught but the p*censored*ing heels
of people and souls you lay before,
a bridge in the storm,
when your body is broken and bleeding and torn?"

 

I don't know how to explain it but that part is either written incorrectly in some way.. or I just don't understand it very well...

Besides that though, this poem is really good and well written. You should really keep writing :)

How old are you? If you don't mind me asking... 




"Imagine the things you could do, if you just let your imagination run wild" ~ SerenityMist ;) "OMGZ It's Serenity! NO-WAI!" (sayz you) --- YES-WAI :D I has posted in this thread ;) Feel Special. Am currently looking for a SILVER UILUS FOR KIR if you have one let me know :)
Firoia

10:51am Dec 10 2010

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Posts: 149

Mmph...A bridge in the storm, a shield in a war, a boat in a flood. Basically you put yourself before them to protect or help save them from dangers that they can't face alone. That's what that line means.

I'm glad you liked it, though. I can honestly say that, for the first time in a very long while, I actually woke up this morning feeling...good. I'm also eighteen. xP Why do you ask?




I love you Omena. <3
"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." -- Doug Larson
SerenityMist

6:57am Dec 11 2010

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Posts: 312

OH I get it now :D I've never heard of that saying/metaphor.. thing... before XD

Your poem is just so deep and meaningful and so well written!! I actually love it. And I ask for your age to compare to your skills in writing. I'm 15 btw :)

It's great that you woke up feeling content :) I love that feeling, especially after rough times. I hope everything with your friends gets better, i know the feeling when you're always there for people and they just take you for granted.




"Imagine the things you could do, if you just let your imagination run wild" ~ SerenityMist ;) "OMGZ It's Serenity! NO-WAI!" (sayz you) --- YES-WAI :D I has posted in this thread ;) Feel Special. Am currently looking for a SILVER UILUS FOR KIR if you have one let me know :)
NightmareDream

12:05am Dec 19 2010

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Posts: 1,551
Very meaningful. Very nice. It's a good poem and it packs a lot of punch. For some people I bet it hits really close to home. ^^ 



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