Dear Kaylen...
You died this morning. I died this afternoon in all but the bodily terms. People seem to be deluded into thinking that you're still alive if you're walking, talking, breathing, eating, all of that. But most don't realize you can be dead and walk, talk, breath, and eat.
You can be dead to the world, you can be dead on the inside, you can have a deadened heart. I have all of those.
I was grabbing at the knife, it was halfway at my throat before I realized you wouldn't want me to. You'd want me to live, to be somebody.
I'm going to pretend my hardest that everything's okay. To the outside world, I'll stop grieving after about a week. But I want you to know that I will always be dead inside, dead to the world, I will always have a deadened heart.
I'll be living for both of us. I'm going to send you letters, because I know that I'll kill myself too if I don't pretend you're alive.
Tomorrow is my audition for Little Shop of Horrors. I know you'd've loved it... you're the type of girl who loves a good old-fashioned man eating plant... I think. I never really asked that question. There's so little about you I know.. I don't even know your last name, I've never met you, we lived across the continent...
But you somehow captured my heart, inserted a little piece of you into my life, where I was constantly thinking about you.
I love you. You will always be my other half of heart.
Praying that I'll wake up and you'll be there,
John
P.S.: I'm getting this published. You will be immortal, if only in pages, if only in ink and words and paper.
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