Okay. I'm working on a new book, and I need some help.It is totaly un edited, BTW.

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I ran through the dense forest, swerving in and out of the trees. I smelled the strong scent of the Gorgons. They were closing on me rapidly. My eyes flickered to the side of the deer path I was running on, then dove into the pot hole I had spotted. I quickly covered myself with leaves so they wouldn’t be able to see me. I listened as they ran towards me, only yards away. I heard them pass me, going to the South. I waited for a while, and once there was no sign of them, I quickly hopped out of the hole and to the East. I trotted slowly, thinking. After about an hour, I caught the scent of a deer. It was only minutes away from my current position. I started running in its direction. I slowed down, then moved into the attack position. Without thinking, I lunged at it. I landed feet from it, slightly dazed. I heard it run away, and I followed it. I chased it through the trees. I heard the rushing of a river ahead. I suddenly stopped. I knew it would go into the river, and I couldn’t swim. I heard it plunge into the river, proving my point. I walked slowly to the river’s edge, sitting down for a drink. I lapped up as much water as I could, hoping that would satisfy my hunger for a little while. For the past week I had gotten nothing to eat, and barely enough to drink to keep me alive. I looked up at the sky. I saw a bird, high above. If looks could kill… I thought to myself. I stood up, and started walking up river. I walked for miles and miles, watching the ground, listening to the birds taunt me from above. At one point one even dared to flutter to the ground. I looked up at it and gave it a grin. He suddenly took off and into the trees for cover. I didn’t know how much time had passed, but it was about mid day. I stopped and sat down, once again looking for a substance to diminish my hunger. Just as I was about to start drinking but as I inhaled, the scent of a fresh kill filled my nose. I stood up and followed the scent, not bothering to take a drink. As the deer came into sight I saw a large black wolf hovering over it, taking its first bites.  I quickly and silently moved into the attack position and lunged at it, pinning it down on the soft cool earth.  I noted the silver diamond shaped mark on its face. He twisted and threw me off. I fell on my back, but quickly returned to my feet.

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“This is mine.” He growled at me. I smiled, my tail flickering madly. I stared into his eyes, mine glowing wildly. He seemed momentarily stunned at my glowing eyes. My smile grew into a grin.

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“Not for long.” I snarled a hint of joy on my tongue. I lunged at him once again, pinning him in a way it was impossible for him to move. He thrashed, trying to get free. He snapped up at my neck, missing by inches.

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“Looks like someone is having fun.” He said as his mouth twisted into a grin. He tried once more to shove me off, this time succeeding. As I was thrown off, my claws sunk deep into his side, leaving marks. I was on my back for only a moment. I realized what was coming next, so I turned on my side. He jumped onto me. I flipped up, grabbing a hold of his neck gently, not piercing his skin. “Move and I’ll kill you!” I told him, growling slightly. He whimpered, but didn’t move. “I don’t want a fight.” I told him. Like hell I don’t! I told myself, every muscle in my body wanting my jaw to clamp shut on his throat. “If I let you up, will you let me eat in peace?” I asked him.

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“Hell no!” He blurted out. I smiled. “We can share?” He offered. I snarled at him, looking deep into his eyes. I let go of his neck, stepping off of him. He walked back to his kill. “It is more than I can eat, anyways.” He said, taking a bite into his kill. I walked around him to the other side of the deer. I heard his tail thumping loudly on the ground as I put my head down, about to take a bite. I heard him stop eating, and my head snapped up. I growled loudly, and he dropped his head back down. I took a bite into the deer, savoring the taste of the warm blood. I heard him stop eating again, but I paid no heed to him, the taste of the meat to good. After I had my fill (half of the deer) I looked up at him. His piece was untouched other than the part he had eaten before I came. I saw the black wolf staring at me like an idiot.

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“What the hell are you looking at?” I asked him, a smile pulling at the corner of my lips.

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“You. I’ve never met anyone like you before. You’re beautiful, you’re personality is like fire.” He told me. I started circling him, eying him. I smiled at him.

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“Well, I’ve never met anyone so… Irritable and moronic!” I spat the last part at him. I started walking in a straight line, away from him. “Now, I need to go.” I said, disappearing into the trees once again. After a minute I came to a run. I heard the rushing of the river once more and ran even faster. Once I came to the river and stopped for a drink. I heard the quick panting and feet beating against the ground. I quickly dove into the trees.

Ping, Like I said, completly unedited. This is the first book I have ever done, and I am not very good at it. I will make the changes to correct everything. With your last "note" I was going to make that a part after this. Remember, I am doing this off of one of my role plays, so it may not be the best. Also, this is not the true earth. This is like an alternate reality, if you know what I'm talking about.

Yes, but even if this is unedited, there are a few stylistic problems such as the implicit deions, conversational tone and lack of detail. Now, would you have improved in that area if I didn't point it out? It seems to be a constant in the way you write.

And by 'book' you mean you expect this to be published? If so, you need to make sure it's top notch. So 'not being good at it' is not a valid excuse. If it were for practice, sure thing. But not when you expect it to be publishd (forgive me if this was not your intention).

I didn't know it was based on your roleplay, not the beginning or set in an alternate universe. You didn't say so. I assumed a lot of things. I even said 'I assume'. So it is expected for me to have a few misunderstandings. If you wanted to receive more helpful advice, I suggest that you should include a few notes about what this book is about, especially details that cannot be drawn in this passage.

I'm not expaecting this to be great, but I'm merely giving advice that would help you make it better. You asked for help and I gave it ;D

No, I was not intending to publish this. I will problably never finish it ^^
I AM very greatful for your help, and I'll edit it soon. I have to do other things ATM though...