It takes time.


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fullmoon

3:13pm Dec 27 2009 (last edited on 4:07pm Dec 27 2009)

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Posts: 6,296

                             RavenPack

 Leader-Broken heart (Male, Nickname is Broken)

Deputy-Deiti

Healer-Quest

Listener- (Next in line healer) none

Warriors-Shima, Same,Drip,Harp,Drop,Dane,Kim,Scare,True, Gambler, Mosak

Aprentices-Rouku, Lyght.

Pups and Pup-watchers/mothers-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter one,

I got your back.

Dane's back-fur rose as Fane, a JayPack warrior came closer. "Not one step," Dane growled. "Or I'll slit your throat." Fane laughed. "Ya really think so?" He asked in a heavily scottish accent that all JayPack wolves had. "I was just about to say the same thing." And with that, he charged at Dane.
A black blur came to a stop in front of Dane. "Crowfly!" He screamed. A female wolf laid in front of him, a black and red heap. The white dove feather stuck in her ear no longer the jaunt position.
Crowfly smiled. "I got your back." Then, she died. Tears pricked Dane's eyes. "Don't...." All of a sudden,a retreat call sounded from the JayPack leader, and all went black.

"Is he okay? Did he faint?"dane grunted as water was splashed on his face. Quest, the healer, looked down at him. A group of RavenPack's warriors were huddling around, looking worried. Suddenly, a small voice broke through the crowd. "Pappa? What happened to Mama?" Rouku pushed through the crowd. "She's gone, Rou." Dane said softly. "Gone, and it's all my fault!" Dane smashed his paw on the ground, making dust fly all over.
"Calm down." Quest urged. "You need you're rest."

Rouku silently went back to his sister, Lyght. "So? Where is she?" Rouku gulped. "S-S-She's gone, Lygh." Lygh gulped as well. "Why?" Tears started flowing out of Lyght's sea blue eyes. "Why is life so hard?"

Quest looked blankly at Tooth, the first RavenPack leader. "I don't undersand, do you mean Lyght and Rouku? Rest their souls, they just had their mother killed!" Tooth simply sat, his lifeless eyes boring holes into Quest. "Time will tell,time will tell......"

"Okay, Lyght. We're goin' to hunt deer today." Deiti, Lyght's advisor, stood in front of her. "Deer?" *censored*tered Lyght. "But I'm not ready yet!" "Oh," Deiti pretended to be heart-broken. "Let's go hunt frogs instead. What a shame." A smile came on his face. "Never mind!" Lyght said quickly. "Let's hunt deer." "Good," Deiti's eyes brimmed with laughter. "Let's go over to the feilds, they spend a lotta' time there."




Nouveau

3:24pm Dec 27 2009

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Posts: 2,962
It seems like a nice begining, but I hope it's supposed to sound a lot like warriors.  ^^  I look forward to reading more!






Actively inactive. Formerly lolalover6.
fullmoon

3:43pm Dec 27 2009

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Posts: 6,296

Thanks. :D All the character's are based on RavenPack on my Chickensmoothie account. I'm gunna make them all a bio-type-thing, so you can get in-depth information.




fullmoon

4:07pm Dec 27 2009

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Posts: 6,296
I've edited the RavenPack, three new warriors.



fullmoon

9:44pm Dec 30 2009

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Posts: 6,296
Chapter two,
It takes two to whisper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rouku sighed, it was no fun with Lyght not around. Suddenly, a frog came up to him and stared at him. "Hey Lyght!" He called. "Look what this...." He faltered, realizing that Lyght had gone out. He went over to his father. "Dad," He started. "Could we maybe play a game or something?"
Dane smiled, and looked at Rouku. "Maybe later."
"Oh," Rouku sighed. Rouku walked out of the den, his tail dragging in the dust.



fullmoon

9:44pm Dec 30 2009

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Posts: 6,296
*Chapter two not finished*



Dragonstar

3:58pm Dec 31 2009

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Posts: 5,310

 

I like it so far, but can you start a new paragraph whenever somebody new starts talking? That way, people don't get so confused.






Nothing can stop the US Air Force except lightning within five nautical miles.

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