Fall into the trap~ [Help wanted]


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Celty

2:20pm Feb 12 2011 (last edited on 4:18pm Feb 16 2011)

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Posts: 3,318

Hello there^^ I came up with this story idea not too long ago and I wanted to know if it was good so...ENJOY!

Basics: This is a gang/group story about the Nells and the Rens. Yess one group is the Nells and the other group is the Rens, xD. [Don't ask about how their names came to be] The leader of the Ren's is of course a guy named Ren, and the leader of the Nells is a guy named Nell.

You can judge my work as harshly as you want, just remember that I have feelings just like any other person :o I'm not completely finished with it so I will just post the beginning. Tell me if you like it or not, comments are welcome^^

Story:

Smoke rose into the starless night sky, and police sirens went off in the distance. Ren took in the view of the scarlet flames and sighed, the fire casting an orangish glow over his tan skin. His short, jet black hair was covered with specks of soot and his bright, blue eyes were filled with pain. On the outside he looked extremely calm, but on this inside he was crushed with twisted emotions that seemed to kill him slowly. Ren was on the verge of crying, which was very rare in his case. He never cried for anything, not even when his mother died in the hospital. His thoughts were starting to get more and more negative until someone spoke up, interupting his train of thought completely. "Ren, we need to get outta here! The Nells will catch up to us soon!" Keigo, was the one who had spoken, their Escapist. He had short, brown hair and light green eyes. Eyes that were usually darting back and forth, his brow twitching when a plan of escape formed in his brain. Ren turned to look at Keigo, the real danger of the situation flooding back to him. "Lead the way" he replied with a gesture towards the path ahead of them. Keigo nodded and ran, signaling for the rest of the gang to follow. Ren waited until everyone was ahead of him, making sure that no one was left behind, before following them down the path at full speed.




Celty

4:19pm Feb 16 2011

Normal User


Posts: 3,318
Anyone?



kakelover

3:26pm Feb 17 2011

Normal User


Posts: 2,895
I loved it! *waits for next post*



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