Beyond Imagination...


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johomo

7:10pm Aug 10 2013 (last edited on 7:27pm Aug 10 2013)

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Posts: 585
All of a sudden, today I began to write a story. A fantasy story, full of magic and mythical creatures. I hope you all like it! I'll be posting the parts here. It's kinda long...

Feel free to critique.

Behold, my story, titled...


Beyond Imagination




"I am a ghost
Of a girl
That I want to be most.

I am the shell
Of a girl
That I used
To know well." ♫♪♫♪
johomo

7:13pm Aug 10 2013

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Posts: 585

Part 1


Ario was the perfect world. The
people and creatures were all very friendly. The sun rose each morning,
creating a beautiful sunrise, and it set each evening, leaving behind a
miraculous sunset and a cascade of stars. The children ran in the fields, the
parents worked, and all the animals and creatures played with each other. It
was magical, you could say. Probably because there was some magic. But it was
forbidden from Ario. That was the only rule: No magic. 



Ario lied between the Blue Sea and
the Great Mountains. No one ever left Ario, because it had everything and
anything they could ever want.  There was
a never-ending surplus of food, and there was home for everyone. And, why would
you want to leave a perfect world?



There was one girl, however, named
Lucille that had always wondered what lied beyond the Mountains, or what it
would be like to sail across the Blue Sea. Her mother and father scowled at her
when she talked about it. “Why can’t we leave, Mother?” Lucille would ask.
“Because no one knows what horrible things lie out there. You could get
killed!” her mother would always answer. The kids always teased her about it.
But that didn’t stop young Lucille. “At lease I have you, Drake,” she would
then say to her rather large kitten. “Mrowr!” was the kitten’s only reply, and
Lucille’s only hope.



Time passed, and Lucille’s curiosity
got bigger and imagination grew wilder. The other teenagers stayed away from
her. She grew more independent, with only her now rather large cat, Drake, for
company. “When will that cat die?” her father would mutter to her mother. “I’m
surprised he doesn’t look old yet…” Lucille’s mother would reply.



Not long passed, and Lucille couldn’t
stand her imagination. She started to plan a trip outside Ario. Drake sat
beside her, bringing her pencil after countless pencil, night after night, as
Lucille worked furiously. Only she and Drake knew about her escape plan. “You
see Drake? There is a small gap in the barrier by the mountains. If only there
was a way to make it bigger…” Drake pawed her and nudged her homemade bow and sheath
of arrows. She made them a while ago and pretended she was out hunting, using
rocks as prey. She would sneak out late at night to practice, and her accuracy
grew. Soon she could hit any target perfectly. “You’re right, Drake! I could
try and strike a hole in the glass! It would have to be a really hard shot to
break a hole…” Lucille reached towards her book of rocks, nature, animals, etc.
She flips to a page about a rock she never heard of, called Magestone. “This
stone is very rare in Ario, but can break any substance.” Lucille reads.
“Drake, I can’t believe this! This is perfect! I can use this for my arrows.
Let’s go find this ‘Magestone’.”



So, Lucille tells her parents she’s going
out. Drake and Lucille run throughout Ario, searching high and low.
Unfortunately, their luck ran out because they couldn’t find a single
Magestone. Even looking at the book for images they couldn’t find any! Just
when they wanted to give up, there was one last spot. “Let’s try digging this
time” Lucille says to Drake. So Drake began digging in the soft dirt, and they
find bunches of Magestone. “Here it is, Drake! The Magestone! Here, take some.”
Lucille says. She scoops some of the stone in her hands while Drake grabs some
with his large mouth. He ends up taking twice as much as Lucille takes in her
small hands. They pour the rock in Lucille’s backpack, and slide the book in
there. Then they both sprint home in eagerness to prepare the arrows.



Once the duo arrives home, they rush
to Lucille’s room, where they get the rock and materials to make the arrows
laid out. After some time, and a lot of broken sticks, they create enough
arrows for a full sheath of arrows. They slide the rock, materials, and old arrows
in Lucille’s bag. Lucille finally says to Drake, “Drake, let’s get packing!”
Drake gives an eager “Mrowr!” in return.



Lucille sneaks downstairs and steals
a few large bundles of food. “They won’t mind. This place has enough already.”
She grabs a few sets of clothes, not expecting to wear them often. “Oops,
almost forgot!” she says, then grabs a few containers of cat food and a mix of
dried meat and fish. She rushes upstairs again to find Drake sitting contently
on the floor. “You’re a good boy,” she says, ruffling Drake’s orange-tabby fur.
His only response is a purr, and finally a snore. “G’night, Drake,” she
whispers, then crawls into bed.



 The next morning, Lucille and Drake woke up
before anyone else did. “Today’s the day, Drake.” Lucille says to a still-sleepy
Drake. “Mrowr,” he says, and then yawns. “How will my parents handle this? I
mean, what if they are right? What if I get killed and don’t make it back? I
better write a note.” Lucille says, and then she reaches for a piece of paper.
On it she writes “Dear parents, I’ve decided to run off out of Ario. I don’t
know if and when I will be coming back. Drake is coming with me. I have all the
supplies I need. Thank you for being amazing parents. Love you so much! Love,
your daughter, Lucille.” She takes the note, as well as her backpack full of
everything she needs, her bow, and sheath of arrows, downstairs. “Well, this is
it, boy. Here we go. No turning back now!” she says, eagerly running outside.

After some long trekking, they come to the spot
in the barrier with the small gap. Lucille grabs arrow and carves a “doorway”
in the glass. Then, she takes some rocks, mud, and grass to cover up the
doorway. “You ready, boy? Let’s go!” Lucille says. 




"I am a ghost
Of a girl
That I want to be most.

I am the shell
Of a girl
That I used
To know well." ♫♪♫♪
catz911

1:26pm Aug 11 2013 (last edited on 1:55pm Aug 11 2013)

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Posts: 193
Subbing! This looks interesting. 
And art:
http://imageupper.com/s02/1/3/P13762471351023912_1.png



...
catz911

1:26pm Aug 11 2013 (last edited on 1:26pm Aug 11 2013)

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Posts: 193
Double post



...
johomo

6:18pm Aug 30 2013

Normal User


Posts: 585
Sorry for the delay, but I added more! I'd love to see more critique!



Part 2





Once they get out the doorway, Drake
and Lucille start covering up the gap. “Well, here we are. The Great Mountains.
I’ve always wanted to see these in person! Now I actually am seeing them!
They’re right in front of me!!!” Lucille exclaims. They start bounding towards
the mountains. There weren’t as many as they thought. People in Ario told the
kids that the mountains never ended, and they just went on, and on, and on.
But, Lucille estimated that the whole trip over the mountains would only be
about 1 day’s journey. So, they started hiking. Once they got to the top of the
first mountain, Lucille just stood in awe of the view. “Look at this, Drake. A
whole world of beauty that Ario has never known about!



They hiked some more and once night
fell, they started looking for a place to settle. They found the final mountain
that had a cave carved in the side. “This’ll be great to sleep in for the
night.” Lucille said. “Mrowr!” Drake replied. So, they set up camp and started
a small fire for warmth. Drake purred as he curled up in a ball, with his tail
draped over his nose, and before Lucille knew it, he was fast asleep. And soon
enough, she was too.



The next morning, Lucille and
Drake sat in wonder at the sun rising above the mountain peaks behind her.
“See, Drake, you don’t see these things back in Ario! I wish I could capture
this radiance and take it back home…” Finally they finally set out over the
last mountain.



Once they got down on the ground
again, Lucille was in awe at the full meadows with lush, green grass, and
treetops that reached the sky. Drake rolled around in the wildflowers, and
scared away a few random birds here and there. Suddenly, there was a noise,
like someone rustling in the bushes. Lucille raced towards the tree farthest
away from the sound and grabbed a huge fallen tree branch. Drake grabbed the
nearest… twig.







"I am a ghost
Of a girl
That I want to be most.

I am the shell
Of a girl
That I used
To know well." ♫♪♫♪
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