Anyone read and Critique?

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5:48am Sep 29 2010 (last edited on 5:49am Sep 29 2010)

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I need someone to read this and tell me what they think, is okay to be harsh, this is for a book I'm writing so it has to be great. The whole story is about a place called Moonsea and this poem tells about its creation, kinda I'm not done with it yet... Here goes.



Day One:

Larksong sings, yet no one to sing it

Snow may fall, though they still fear

Dawns and still no sign

Things are aroused, and the silent bell tolls


Day Two:

Dark are the skys, his skys that show no mercy

Bloody are the grounds, littered with blood but none

Empty are the hearts, for they have not their own

Done are the days of creation, but not tis the end


Day Three:

Music chases clouds away, far beyond the sea

Life drains dark from the moon, so she may see the light

Fidelity reins, as is our master

Peace now claims the Moonsea, from its wrought endeavor


Day Four:



6:51am Sep 29 2010

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Posts: 694
The Best writer in Rescreatu is Shao ^_^


6:52am Sep 29 2010

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Posts: 1,792
Thankies so much Er *hugs* but is not even close to done yet, is going to be beginning of my story Moonsea.


7:01am Sep 29 2010

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Posts: 66
This is interesting. And different.

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