Another Story Idea... [Opinions Wanted!]


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Nouveau

4:54pm Jul 13 2010 (last edited on 1:34pm Aug 8 2010)

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Hey everyone!

After several weeks of procrastination, I'm getting myself back into writing.  I've been slowly developing this story idea in my head for quite some time now, and I would love to have some opinions given on it. 

Joanne knows that her summer is doomed.  Only two weeks after getting out of school, she gets busted at a party and is sent to live with her grandparents in the small town of Pendleton Westersfield, Oregon (My family and I drove through there several years ago on a huge road trip.  I thought it was a pretty neat place, so I decided to set my story here.  ^O^).  What she doesn't know is that her arrival here isn't on accident.  Upon arrival, she meets several new people--there's Lenny, the tall, awkward boy her age with  the straw-blonde hair and bright blue eyes; Chris, the eccentric, independent twenty-one year old who takes Joanne under her wing; and Jake, the broody nineteen-year-old with his eye on Jo.  Joanne knows that this is a summer she won't soon forget.  She doesn't know that it's time to face her destiny.

UPDATE:

The setting has been changed to Westersfield, Oregon.  "Chapter" (Still needs a lot of work done...) One has been posted, hopefully with two on the way.

It will hopefulyl shape up into an action-fantasy story.  Tell me what you think!  ;o <3







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Mechromancer

5:28pm Jul 13 2010

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I think it's good.



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Nouveau

8:05pm Jul 13 2010

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Thanks, Tri!

...

Anyone else?  o-O 







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kakelover

9:42pm Jul 13 2010

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I like it too.



\r\n
NightmareDream

9:29am Jul 14 2010

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I do like it, but I'd need to read more to really judge it rightly xD You have me hooked though.



Nouveau

10:56am Jul 14 2010

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Psh, it's supposed to be mysterious.  I wrote up what might (it's a really loose draft of it) be the first chapter.  If you want, I can post it here.

...I'd put it up as PG-13, though, just because it was at a party.  o-O  Don't want to be giving off the wrong messages or anything.  <3







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Staryulynn

11:26am Jul 14 2010

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KEEP. WRITING. c: Back to stories again is good to hear Lola, :) I loved the shape shifter one.



-and a new day will dawn, for those who stand long, and the forest will echo with laughter-
Nouveau

3:00pm Jul 14 2010

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Aha, thanks Staryu.  <33  That one is currently on hold.  >_>  <_<  Still trying to find the inspiration to restart it and get editing.

For now, I'm just working on other ones.  With any luck, I'll be putting up another one if anyone wants to lok at it as well.  I'll post the rough beginning in a moment.







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Nouveau

3:15pm Jul 14 2010 (last edited on 7:04pm Aug 5 2010)

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Part I : Mortal

Story rated PG-13

(Just in case) ;o 

Chapter One

“Joanne, are you alright?”  My grandfather’s voice held several notes of concern.

            I sighed and didn’t answer.  Trees sped away from me through the car window, freer than I would ever be.

“Joanne?  Did you hear me?”

“Yes, grandfather.  I’m…fine.”  But in truth, I most definitely was not fine.

Last week, I had done the most stupid, reckless thing.  I had gone to a party.  And it had landed me here.  With a bit of melancholy, I recalled what I had done that was so awful in my patents’ point of view.

It had been a Friday night.  My friend Rosie and I had had a sleepover—or so we told my parents.  Hers were out on a business trip to Denver, Colorado, leaving us two to do as we pleased.  Rosie had gotten the text first.  It invited her to a party only a few blocks away.  Amazingly excited, we pounced on the opportunity and went.  We walked, deciding not to take Rosie’s mom’s car.  As soon as we got to the party, I lost Rosie in the dense crowd.  I recognized a few faces and spent most of my time chatting.  A few times I was pulled out onto the dance floor.  Finally, exhausted, I collapsed on a couch next to the beverage table.  That’s when I saw them.  Someone was clutching a phone to his or her ear.  I heard just a snippet of the conversation, but it was just enough.

“Hello?  Police?  Yes, I’d like to report a party—it’s gone out of control.”

  I let out a curse, jumping up.  I needed to find Rosie.  If the cops came, we were toast.  We needed to leave.  Now.  But, too late!  Just as I caught my friend’s arm, a loud voice had hollered something along the lines of “Halt!” or “Everyone, stop!”  The crowd suddenly dispersed, people making a mad scramble towards the door.  The cops caught who they could, which included me.  Rosie, giving a final panicked glance, escaped with the rest of the crowd.  I glared after her in disbelief.  “Come on,” the police officer grumbled. 

One hour and twelve minutes later, it was settled.  My parents, “appalled and terrified by my actions,” had called all of my relatives.  My Grandfather Thomas had pounced on the chance like a cat would pounce on a mouse, and accepted my parent’s offer.  And another hour later, it was settled: I was going to live in a tiny town in Oregon.  And seven days later, I left my lovely, toasty summer home of San Francisco, California, for who-knows-where, Oregon.

As I waltzed through my reverie, I watched the landscape whirl past in a cloak of green.  Though I never would admit it, Oregon was surprisingly beautiful.  P*censored*ing the sagebrush-dotted hills that melted into the rolling acres of gr*censored* where the cows fed, which were in turn swallowed up by huge pine trees of the forest.  In some ways, Oregon was much like California—a few big cities, with smaller ones dotted along the highway.  The best part of the car ride was going through the many small mountain ranges.  They were small but steep, heavily spattered with forest.  As we dropped into the valleys again, we sped through several charming towns.  None of which, sadly, were my new home.

Another few hours p*censored*es by, through several more towns, and I realized where we were going.  I had heard my mother speak of it before—I had visited it when I was a small child.  And even as we pulled up at a long, twisting driveway, my disbelief kept my tongue still.  No.  It couldn’t be.  Please, no.  But yes.

“Welcome to your new home, Joanne,” my Grandfather Thomas said, “Willow Creek Ranch, 1437 Willow Creek Road, Pendleton, Oregon.”

I couldn’t speak.  Not here.  Anywhere but here.  But here it was.






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Staryulynn

4:10pm Jul 14 2010

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Oh, very good so far <33



-and a new day will dawn, for those who stand long, and the forest will echo with laughter-
Nouveau

8:58pm Jul 15 2010

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Thanks Staryu, again.  :P

Bump.  <3 







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milomouse

2:05am Jul 16 2010

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Wow. I love that. :D Please. Keep. Writing. <3 Please. C: I loved it. Remember to keep the tenses the same. I only saw one mix up, but there could be a few more XD I always mix them up.




Nouveau

12:29pm Jul 16 2010

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Oh dear.  :C  I phail with tenses.  Thanks for pointing that out, Milo.  <33

...

Wait.  Milo?  *tackles*  Hi!  <3 







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Nouveau

6:51pm Jul 16 2010

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Okay, everyone, I'll be offline for about three weeks.  With any luck (meaning, probably not :P ), I'll have a second chapter ready.  <3 Bye!  <3






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NightmareDream

8:03pm Jul 16 2010

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Bye Lola <3



milomouse

7:50pm Jul 17 2010

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HAIII :D

I phail with tenses too. Dx

Bye Lola D8 <3




Nouveau

12:14pm Aug 5 2010

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Hey look!  8D  A bump.






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Nouveau

7:04pm Aug 5 2010

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Hm...  I'm reconsidering the setting, just because I haven't been to Pendleton for such a long time.  I'm thinking of a small town in Oregon, but perhaps a fictional one?






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Nouveau

1:34pm Aug 8 2010

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Update~

I've changed the setting to Westersfield, Oregon.  It's a fictional place, but a lot like how I remembers Pendleton to be.  <3 







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