It looks like you could use some practice on shading in general, which will then help with cel-shading. You're focusing too much on the outline rather than the forms within it.
Something I really recommend doing when you practice shading is to take several small items that have simple shapes (you might even grab some wooden shapes from an art supply store), set them up in a room with various lighting conditions, and draw them from different angles. Draw them EXACTLY how you see them, and put a lot of focus on the shading and all its little details, like the reflections your shapes will be getting off the table and each other.
It helps immensely.
Unfortunately, I can't offer any help more directly on cel-shading though. I can't do digital arts, seeing as all I have to work with is a laptop mousepad. x3
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